Description:  What in the bee’s wax is going on when sons in their thirties are crying because their mama is dating.

Ok Curtis, if you read this blog, you know your mama talks to me, I got my sister back on this one. You and your brother Pookie are wrong. I am going to stay out of it by allowing the readers to share words of wisdom about the distress you two are causing your mama.

Here is the story, my good sister friend Pat, ex-husband left her and their sons when the boys were in elementary school. We are going to call him mister; because I do not want any problems by putting mister real name on blast. Mister decided that after 12 years of marriage, he was tire of being a husband, a father, and a provider; so, his sorry butt left his family and move to another state to be with another woman and her kids. Yeah, you heard me right, he moved into another woman’s house with her and her kids. And no, not as her roommate, but as her lover. And the reason I say as her lover, because he bought her an engagement ring, and had the nerve to post it on Facebook. Until this day, they still are not married. Enough about mister and his sorry butt, because the story is about the boys.

The boy’s dad left when Curtis was ten years old and Pookie was only six years old. Pat was devastated for years after mister left her and the boys. It caused her to develop this stronghold against men.  She did not trust men. In an attempt to help my sister friend, I invited her to attend a woman’s group at a nonprofit organization that was exclusively for women’s growth. This women’s group helped Pat tremendously. Eighteen months after participating in the group, Pat begins to change her way of thinking about men. She no longer boxed them all into the same category as a lying cheater who runs from their commitment and responsibility. By the time, Curtis was a senior and Pookie was a freshman in high school, Pat started casually dating. She never invited any man to her home or introduced her boys to anyone she as dating.

 After Curtis graduated from high school, Pat begins to only date Jerome. Although they were getting close fast, she never invited him to her home or introduce him to her boys. Pat did not want to bring anyone she was dating around the boys because her dates were never exclusive serious relationship. 

By the time, Pookie graduated from high school. Jerome was ready to take his relationship with Pat to the next level. He asked Pat for an exclusive relationship. Pat was happy to enter in an exclusive relationship with Jermone. Although Pat and Jermone were committed to each other only, she could not bring herself to invite Jermone to her home or to meet her sons. After years of being patient, Jermone decided to put his foot down. He demanded that Pat’s actions match the words she was proclaiming regarding their relationship. Jermone demand to meet Pat’s sons and to receive an invite to her home.

 Pat realized Jerome had to be in love with her to put up with all the excuses and insecurities she had with bringing a man to her home. Also, she realized he is committed to making their relationship work. She knows Jermone is the one, mainly because of his patience and commitment to the relationship. Jermone wanted Pat to meet his family first to show that he is serious about their relationship. Therefore, he invited Pat to come to his family’s quarterly dinner at his parents’ house so that she could meet his siblings and his parents. Pat hit it off well with Jerome’s family right away. They felt an instant connection to each other. Jermone’s sibling asked Pat why she did not bring her sons with her to the dinner. Pat made up an excuse. She promised to bring them to the next family dinner.

As Jerome’s family next quarterly dinner was a month away, he began to pressure Pat about meeting the boys before the dinner. By this time, Pookie was twenty-seven and was working in the I.T. department for a major corporation. He was casually dating but had favor one girl over the others. Because Pookie does not have the privacy to bring a date home for an overnight visit at his mom’s house, he decided to rent his own place in close proximity to his mom’s home. Pat was looking forward to Pookie moving out so that she can now feel more comfortable about inviting Jermone to her home for overnight visits instead of always having to go to his place. At thirty-one, Curtis is living with his girlfriend and their two-year daughter.

Pat decided to take a page out of Jermone’s family book by scheduling a family dinner at her home for the boys to meet Jermone. She did not tell the boys that they would be meeting her man.

At dinner, although the boys were giving Jerome the side eye, they greeted him kindly. After eating the boys started asking Jerome a lot of questions without giving him time to answer any of the questions. Jerome had to stop them by saying “one question at a time.” At this point Pat intervened by telling the boys that her and Jermone had been dating for over eight years. Curtis turned three shades of red after his mom said that her and Jermone were in a serious exclusive relationship. Pookie yelled, “who the hell is he and where did he come from?”  Pat tried to speak about her and Jerome relationship and how they met when her words choked in her throat. Suddenly, Curtis jumps up with tears in his eyes shouting “my mama isn’t dating no damn body.”

At this point, Pat knew the only way to get control of the situation was to ask Jerome to leave as she talk to her boys in private. She promised to call him later. Jerome left without saying anything. Pat was unable to have a civil adult conversation with her sons. She could not believe how immature they were behaving like toddlers having a temper tantrum.  They kept telling their mom that she did not need to be dating anyone because being their mom was a full-time job, and that they did not trust any man with their mom. Pat did not know how to handle the situation with her boys. She froze. As of now with the boys living outside the home, they do not come to their mother’s home. They only talk to her over the phone. To this day, Pat must keep her sons separated from her new husband, Jerome.

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