What does the woman receive when she is found? Is it also a good thing?

Let’s talk about it.

Stephanie Dunbar is an attracted thirty-five-year-old divorced mother with two kids. Stephanie decided to enter back into the dating world six months after her divorce was final. Trina, Stephanie’s best friend since high school tells her about this popular dating site. Following Trina’s instructions, Stephanie create an account; she uploads pictures that shows off her curvy figure. As she begins to browse the site, she couldn’t believe the large number of single, good looking, employed men that were available and willing to be visible on this dating site. She felt like a kid in a candy store without restrictions. Stephanie decided to start by showing interest in a person whose profile capture her attention. She couldn’t believe, within 2 days, ten men showed interest in meeting her. She asked Trina, “what shall I do”? Trina advised Stephanie to setup a public meeting on different days for each person she was interested in getting to know.  As instructed, Stephanie selected 5 of the 10 men to meet at the local Starbucks store 1 mile from her home. For five conservative days, Stephanie arrives 15 minutes prior to the set time. She sat in her car watching people go in and out of Starbucks until it was time for her to go in. On each occasion Stephanie wasn’t sure if her date had shown up because no one entering the store looked like the profile picture on the dating site. Also, on each occasion, as Stephanie enters the store, someone waves her over in their direction. On all occasions, the person waving is sitting at a two-seat table, wearing a huge Kool-Aid smile on their face, while sipping on a drink. Not sure how to handle the situation, Stephanie approaches the person with the same pre-thought introduction. “Hi, I am Stephanie, are you…” The waver would interrupt her question by stating his name.  As Stephanie sits, she has the same thought with each person, “Well, he looks like he can be related to the person on the profile; but definitely is not a perfect match to the profile picture posted online.”

Stephanie soon learns the similarity in each man. After introducing herself, she was greeted with “Well, well, well, Ms. Stephanie, you look as good in person as your profile pictures. Stephanie couldn’t help but think to herself, I wish I could say the same about you. But instead of speaking her thoughts she asked each person their name again, which in-turn wiped the smile off their face with each making similar statements. “What? You been on so many dates, you can’t remember which person you are meeting with today?” Or, “you have a short memory, did you not hear me give you my name after your introduction?” “Yes, Stephanie would reply, it’s because you do not look like your profile picture.” In an offensive tone, each man replied with; “Well, that picture was taken ten years ago; however, everybody says I still look the same.” Disappointed, Stephanie decided to give the person no more than 10 minutes of her time. Stephanie soon learns the similarity in standards of each man. No one pulled the chair out for her to sit, or offer to buy her a drink. Each answered the one question she asked the same. Stephanie asked each man, “what are you looking for in a mate?” These men were straight forward in what they expected from the woman in their life. They all wanted a woman who would have their back no matter what comes up. A woman who could bring 50 percent to the table in financials; yet be able to hold down their household 100 percent should he become in-between jobs. This woman would have to keep her “wifey duties” which were defined as: sex, appearance, cooking, cleaning, washing, running his errands and taking care of the kids. 

As each man spoked their expectation, Stephanie couldn’t help but to divert her thoughts to her divorce and the reason given by her ex-husband as to why he cheated on her for the last five years of their seven-year marriage. He claims, she no longer had his back and had stop performing her “wifey duties”.  Yet, he refused to give her a divorce while he was employed. As soon as he loses his job, he asked for alimony in exchange for agreeing to the divorce. Of course, the judge was not in favor of Mr. Dunbar demanding alimony in exchange for agreeing to the divorce.  The judge ordered child support to be paid to Ms. Dunbar as soon as Mr. Dunbar returns to work.

Stephanie realized the only good thing she received from her marriage is her kids and wisdom on what not to settle for just to be in a relationship. She was determined to not repeat history which in-turn caused Stephanie to decline a second date after each man proudly finish defining their expectations.

In spite of her experiences, Stephanie refused to believe that all men were the same; however, she knew her acceptance of living up to her husband’s expectation had caused her aura to become toxic; thus, causing her to attract the same type of men. Stephanie understood her aura is a magnetic energy that attracts like energy of its kind. Which is known to most as kindred spirits.  She knew in order to align her energy with her heart desires, she had to balance her charkas, which in-turn would change her aura. She started each day with prayer and meditation, visualizing her values and worth matching her heart’s desires. She visualizes her aura drawing her heart’s desires to her. Two weeks after daily praying and meditating, people begin to complement Stephanie; often stating she has a glow and a bubbly, pleasant spirit. Three months after daily praying and meditating, Stephanie meet Dave at a charity fundraiser. On their first date, Dave spoke of being reborn through the renewing of his mind. When Stephanie asked him to elaborate. Dave replied with. “I, now understand my mate is not my slave; we are one. She is my equal because she is flesh of my flesh; and bone of my bones. I am to cherish her, honor her; respect her; protect her and provide for her. Although we are one, she has her own identity and if she decides to work outside the home, as her equal partner, I am to share in the household chores, cooking and raising the kids.” A year after Stephanie and Dave first date, they were joined together in marriage. Dave honored his words in action.

Hopefully this short story helps in providing hope to your story. Please do not allow the toxicity of a bad experience dictate your worth; your value; or your future. Gift yourself with love. Take 15 minutes each day to vision your worth and value, in its highest esteem. Vision love pouring out of your spirit. Vision your love as strength; not to be taken advantage of in a negative way; not to be abused or misused. Walk in your strength. He that finds you, will see the beauty of your strength and will honor you as his queen not his slave.

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