What do you do when the representative you fell in love with changes soon after he marries you?

Let’s talk about it…

Sabrina, approaching 35 years of age in a couple of weeks, begins to reflect on her life. She thought out loud, to herself, in the privacy of her home. Yes, Sabrina was talking to herself out loud. She needed to hear herself think out loud. It made her thoughts resonated with an urgency that brought actions. Sabrina words pierced her spirit as she heard herself speak them out loud, “I have spent all my life hoping, praying, and looking for a husband. I have catered to the men I dated hoping they would see me as someone they wanted to marry. I have provided shelter, food, clothing, sex, and financial stability. Only to be left alone when I pressure them for a more committed relationship. I do not understand what I have been doing wrong? I am pretty, I am sexy, I can cook, I have a job and I do not ask them for anything. I do not get upset when they come home late, and I love sports. So, what am I doing wrong? Why do men leave when I bring up marriage after a year of being in a relationship with me?”

Sabrina decided she did not want to spend another birthday alone with her thoughts. She invited a few of her closes girl friends over to celebrate with her. She had a number of games setup to play, a menu of all her favor finger foods and a variety of drinks. Sabrina’s favor cocktail is called Tom Collins. After several hours of eating, drinking and playing games. Sabrina decided to bring the night to a close with one final game called Speak on It. The ladies were asked to take turns speaking on anything that was weighting heavy on their hearts. After the person spoke on it, the other ladies were instructed to provide up lifting encouraging remarks. Sabrina spoke on dating men who doesn’t want to marry her. The women encourage Sabrina to live a life of celibacy for six months in order to clear her emotions so that she can clearly evaluate why the men she dates isn’t looking to marry her. To commemorate her new commitment to celibacy, Sabrina removed her hair weave and decided to go natural. She asked her hair stylist for a short hair cut that complimented the shape of face and enhances her natural curls.

Sabrina was enjoying her new commitment. After two years of not catering to a man, she decided to celebrate her 37th birthday by taking a trip to the Bahamas. While shopping in one of the local novelty stores in Nassau for souvenirs, Sabrina noticed this man in a blue uniform staring at her. He wasn’t close enough for her to see the patch or badge on his uniform. After following her around the store, she decided to approach him. “Excuse me sir, but do I look like someone you know? I’m sorry stated the man, your natural beauty has me mesmerize. I didn’t realize I was staring. By the way my name is Jack. As you can see from the uniform, I am a US coast guard. I am here for a week to assist the Bahamian authorities. What is your name?” Sabrina and Jack stood in the store talking for 30 minutes. Sabrina learns that Jack also lives in Florida. Feeling comfortable talking with him, Sabrina gives Jack her phone number after he asked. Sabrina and Jack talked on the phone every day for two months before going on a date. She couldn’t believe she had opened her thoughts up to dating again. She made a vow to stay committed to her celibacy.

Jack was perfect. He open doors, pulled her chair out before she sat, shower her with gifts. Sabrina loved her new serene life and her relationship with Jack. She never engaged him in a conversation about marriage. After two years of dating, Jack asked Sabrina to marry him. Sabrina was finally planning the fairy tale wedding she has always dream of having. Sabrina couldn’t believe how blessed she was to have Jack as her husband. Five months after the honeymoon, Sabrina notice that Jack was slowly changing. He stops opening doors for her. He insists that it was her job to cook and clean the house. She did not mind doing these things but had noticed that Jack was intentionally messing up the home so that she would have to clean up behind him. He started demanding that everything is divided 50 percent, food as well as bills. If a four pack of muffins were purchased, she was only allowed to eat two; it did not matter if he had no plans of eating his two; which often was thrown in the trash weeks after purchase. At times Jack was deceitful about the cost of items, causing Sabrina to pay 60 to 70 perfects of the cost. Jack behavior towards Sabrina had changed drastically, he begins to talk to her like she was unintelligent; often stating “let me break it down for you; let me speak in a language you understand; or let me speak it slowly so maybe you can catch on to what I am saying.”

Sabrina began to despise Jack. She no longer loved her husband and couldn’t bring herself to have sex with him any longer. She noticed Jack was constantly texting on his phone and stepping outback to talk in private. She never questions him because she no longer cared. Sabrina and Jack’s debt appeared to be the only thing that was holding them together. They had a house, cars, and credit cards in both their names.

Because Jack and Sabrina had built a life together and both are now in their early forties, she often wonder, should I stay or should I go. In order to find the answer to her inner question, Sabrina would spend 30 minutes each day in a quiet-peaceful place to meditate. She is determined to protect her peace and sanity. Sabrina realizes, as a human being not having supernatural spiritual insight 24/7, she was destined to experience occasional life events that would be unforeseen prior to the experience. Also, she understands there is no way she can prevent or predict heart break, disappointment, or the actions of other people. She knows that some events, as well as people in her life are seasonal. Seasonal relationships are not long-haul relationships; they are only for a set period of time. She understands that she is in control of how the good and bad of life events affects her as a person. She is fully aware each experience can either break her or make her stronger and wiser. She understands, all things work together for the good of those who believe it would, despite how detrimental or heartbreaking the experience. Mediating has bought Sabrina to a place of inner peace and hope regardless of what is going on around her or in her life.

What do you think Sabrina should do? Should she stay or should she go?

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