Men who feel they hold the switch to when and how their wife use knowledge.

Let’s talk about it…

Josephine, a single attracted woman in her early thirties, occupies her leisure time with reading, going to seminars, taking training classes, and looking at “how to fix or build” programs on TV. She loves learning beyond her Bachelor degree in Business. She is a license Real Estate Agent. She has a certificate in Tax Preparation from one of the largest Income Tax Preparation Agency. She loves to put together furniture that is deliver in a box in pieces. She loves to cook and decorate. She likes when things are neat, organize and clean. Josephine feels she can think clearer when her surroundings is clean and orderly. Josephine is a very humble and meek person. She was raised by a mother who received her GED when she was in her late thirties. Yet her mother held a sit on the board at the local community health center for low-income people. Her mother had a non-profit organization that helped low-income people fight against discrimination due to financial status. Josephine’s mother felt that all people should have a right to good health care and education regardless of where they lived or the amount of money they have or not have in the bank. Despite the lack in institutional education, Josephine mother was an overachiever.  Josephine mother achievements inspired her.

Josephine is an easy-going type of person. She never judges anyone based on their financial status, their education, or their speech. She understands, there is a lot of skillful, smart people without a college education and there is a lot of educated people without money. When Josephine met her husband Bobby, he was wearing a plain uniform. She knew Bobby had a job but did not ask him what type of job. She knew he lives alone in an apartment; but did not ask in what area did he live. She was more interested in getting to know Bobby’s personality traits. Josephine loves Bobby gentle warm smile. He would call her everyday only to say hi. He would invite her on a date every Saturday. Many times, they would spend Saturday’s going to the movies and dinner. Sometimes they would go to concerts, exhibitions, and museums. Bobby was the perfect gentleman. He always opens doors for Josephine and never allowed her to pay for anything. Sometimes Josephine would cook at home to not feel guilty about all the money Bobby was spending on their dates. After a year of dating, Bobby invited Josephine to his home for dinner. He wanted to show off his culinary skills. Josephine was impressed with Bobby’s cooking skills. She was extremely impressed that his apartment was clean. Bobby and Josephine married 18 months after dating. Josephine loved Bobby’s huge size rooms in his apartment, she decided to move into his apartment with him after they got marry. Immediately after moving into Bobby’s apartment, he asked Josephine to pay 50 percent of the rent and monthly bills. Prior to marriage, whenever Josephine would ask Bobby about their financial arrangement after they get marry; Bobby would say, do not worry about it. You know I got you. Although Bobby knows how to cook, He feels Josephine should prepared dinner every day but did not say anything about who is responsible for buying the groceries. Once again, Josephine asked about putting together a financial and household duties agreement. Her request was totally ignored by Bobby. Josephine decided it was best if she comes up with an agreement for them to discussed. Especially since she would be the one cooking, cleaning, and shopping for the household. She agreed to pay half the rent but felt Bobby should continue to pay the monthly utilities, purchase his personal hygiene items as well as contribute to the household cleaning supplies and groceries. Bobby was not happy but agreed. After marriage the couple no longer went on dates. Whenever Josephine would ask about having a date night, Bobby insist only if the bill was split 50 percent. Josephine agreed to split the bill on date nights.

Josephine was a very clean person and she thought Bobby was as well before they got marry. However, after saying “I Do”, she realized Bobby was not very clean. He would leave his clothes on the floor, and paper work was all over the house. He would waste food and liquids on the floor without cleaning it up.  He stopped opening doors and start giving her chores of what he expected to be done each day. Josephine worked a full-time job; yet, Bobby expected her to immediately come home after work to clean up behind him and cook dinner, so that when he arrives home, he could relax in a clean home with a hot meal.

 Josephine was very skilled in reading and interpreting contracts. She was very skilled in finances and would often make sure before signing on the dotted line that the contract was beneficial to their financial good. Bobby on the other hand would sign documents without reading just to get what he wanted. Bobby would get anger at Josephine for wanting to take time to dissect the contract for errors before signing. Often, Josephine would find an error in the contract. Bobby would be happy that Josephine saved them money; yet he would get anger at her because he felt she made him looked less knowledgeable in front of people. Bobby was not computer savvy and often would demand Josephine to stop what she was doing to come help him. However, whenever a visitor was at their home and Bobby had a computer problem or an issue with streaming a movie, he would become agitated and upset when Josephine automatically came to his rescue to fix the problem in front of the guest.

During the purchase of their new house, Bobby got upset with Josephine for asking a lot of questions and for carefully reviewing the documents. He accused her of intentionally trying to make him look bad in front of people. He tells her that he is the man and the head of their household and her job was to remain silent until a question was asked of her. Josephine was silent as her husband spoke his demands. However, although she did not agree with him, she chose not to express her thoughts.

 Josehine would often hear Bobby on the phone bragging and taking credit for things that she had done; such as preparing and filing their taxes every year. Whenever Bobby’s friends would call him regarding income tax issues, he would ask Josephine then relay the message to his friends. Super bowl Sunday was coming up in a week. Bobby decided to invite his friends over to watch the game on his new 75-inch TV with surround sounds. After the game, one of Bobby’s friends asked him an income tax question regarding filing as a newly married man. The friend wanted to file his taxes separate from his wife; but his wife wanted to file together as a marry couple. Bobby’s friend wanted to know the benefits of filing separate versus filing marry. Because Bobby did not want to ask Josephine in front of his friends, he gave his friend a guess-at-it-answer. Josephine overheard Bobby’s reply to his friend and was disappointed that her husband gave fraudulent information that could cost a substantial decrease in refund to the friend. Josephine decided to intercede in the most respectful way she could. She started by saying to Bobby, “Honey, remember the financial benefits for the tax status “Marry filing Separate is totally different from Marry filing jointly”. I think it would be more beneficial for your friend if he files with his wife as a Marry couple; his tax preparer would know best. After Bobby’s friends left, he harshly reprimanded Josephine for interfering in his conversation. Josephine decided to stand up for herself. She spoke back to her husband in a monotone firm voice. “I am tired of you treating me like I do not matter in this relationship. You knew of my skills and interest in learning when we got marry. If you felt you would be intimidated by my knowledge, you shouldn’t have married me. Why must I decrease for you to increase as a man in charge of his household. You should be proud to tell people that you married an intelligent knowledgeable woman. Your proudness would have shown the unity of us as one and would have automatically increase your status as a man. People judge many times on the company we keep as well as the person we marry. Because I take your degrading disrespectful treatment without standing up for myself; My friends see me as a batter woman who must have low self-esteem. I am not a light switch under your control to switch on and off for knowledge only when it is to benefit you. If you do not change your disrespectful treatment towards me, I am leaving this marriage.” Bobby was silent as Josephine spoke. Once she finishes talking, he quietly walks away.

Ladies, being in relationship does not mean you should become powerless. Or that you must compromise your value or worth. It is okay to let your light shine so that your higher power may be glorified. Dimming your light does not make your partner light shines brighter. Remember this, one lamp on in a room may give off sufficient light; however, two lamps on in a room will give off more than sufficient light. Men, be proud of your wife intellect. Her choosing you speaks volumes about you as a man. Show yourself approved.

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