A wise attitude, belief, or course of action is the navigation to common sense.

Webster dictionary defines Spare as “to refrain from: to avoid; to exempt from something.” It defines Rod as “punishment;” and Spoil is defined as “to damaged seriously or to impair the quality or the effect of. Also, to lose valuable or useful qualities as a result of decay.”

Let’s talk about it…

“Good morning doctor Young.” “Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Agate, today we will find out the gender of your babies. As previously stated, you are having fraternal twins, which means it’s a possibility that your babies may be of the same sex or different sexes. This is due to the fertilization of two separate eggs.” Doctor Young asked his nurse to setup the ultrasound equipment as Mrs. Agate undress from the waist down. As doctor Young describes and point out the twins features on the machine, he prints a copy of the ultrasound results. The proud parents are happy to hear they are having a boy and a girl.  Bobby and Pearl were so happy with the news, they took the rest of the day off work to celebrate. They would prefer to celebrate at their favorite restaurant but thought it would be best if they order food for delivery; so that they could plan the gender reveal party as well as discuss parenting do’s and don’ts.

Bobby comes from a strict upbringing. As he puts it; he was forced to go to church all day on Sundays and to bible study every Wednesday night. His summers were spent at the church day camp for kids. He recalls, often receiving direct orders on what he was not allowed to do without any explanation other than his parents stating, “those are the things of the devil.” As a child, Bobby often wonders why all the things forbidden by his parents and label as the things of the devil appeared to be so much fun to the neighborhood kids. He watched the kids in his neighborhood play at the park chasing each other, tossing a ball back and forth to each other, swim on hot days, play sports and go to other kids’ birthday parties. Bobby was taught to not question his elders, but to do as he was told. The grownups in his church would often say; as God’s children, we are not allowed to question him; we are only to follow the principles of the bible. For this reason, kids were not allowed to question their elders; only do as they were told. Bobby grew up following principles but lacking understanding. On the other hand, Bobby’s wife Pearl grows up opposite of him.

Pearl went to church with her family every Sunday for one service only. Her family would pray together every morning. She was allowed to play at the park, go to other kids’ birthday parties and swim at the local YMCA on hot days. Her parents were teachers; they believed in communication and therefore would take time to explain things or provide explanations for their decisions. They would give their kid scenarios as an example to why something was good for them or bad for them. They spoke using terminology that was within the scope of their kids understanding.

As Bobby and Pearl ate dinner, they wrote down the plans for their gender reveal party. They could not come to a command ground on the principles of how to raise their children. They both agreed to raise their kids believing in God and understanding the power of prayer. However, Bobby did not want restrictions. He feels the kids should be allowed to experience life without restrictions. Pearl feels limited restrictions is okay with explanations and scenarios to bring understanding as to why something was prohibited. Pearl agreed to allow Bobby to raise their son using his principles as she raises their daughter using the principles from her upbringing. The twins were born healthy. Bobby Jr was born weighting six pounds nine ounces and Christina was born weighting five pounds ten ounces. They were close through-out their childhood. They would often talk to each other sharing information about their friends or activities they were participating in. Christina noticed that her brother was not guided by the same principles as herself. Three months before turning eighteen, she questions her mother about the double standard, as to why Bobby Jr was allowed to experience life without restrictions. Pearl made hot chocolate and place a few short bread cookies on a serving plate, as her and Christina sits down to have a heart-to-heart conversation regarding the decision her and Bobby Sr made concerning the principles’ used in raising her and her brother. Now that Christina understands the difference in principles use to raise them, she asked her mother would it be okay if she advised her brother based on the principles she was raised on. She did not want to go against her parent’s agreement they made with each other years ago. Pearl gave Christina her blessings.

Bobby Jr was hanging out with his friends, drinking and partying as they race their cars up and down the streets near the beach one Saturday night. Bobby with two of his friends were arrested for drinking in public under the age of 21; also, for racing. Although Bobby was not the person behind the wheel of the car, he is the owner of the car and was in the car as his friend raced against another car. The police had both cars, in the race, impounded. Bobby called his sister to come pick him up from the police station as he was released with a citation to appear in court. Christina used the drive home time to talk with her brother about his unwise decisions. She started by telling him about the conversation she had with their mother regarding the double standards in their up bringing. “Bobby Jr, this conversation is not to find fault in our father’s decision to allow you to experience life without restrictions. However, I believe you should have been guided with wisdom. Sharing wisdom with your child is not restricting their life experience, but it is equipping them with tools to help them make better decisions in life. We were raised believing in the power of prayer and in God. We were raised with the understanding that the bible is the only true instruction book for life. Therefore, in order to gain wisdom, we must read our bible and allow the wisdom of the bible to help us navigate through life, especially when our elders or parents is refraining from teaching us wisdom. We both know that Proverbs is known as the book of Wisdom in the bible; and it bases wisdom solidly on the love of God. In Proverbs chapter 13: verse 24; Solomon talks about sparing the rod will spoil the child. We know, to spare means to refrain from or to avoid. The Rod is speaking of discipline or punishment, and spoil is speaking of being strip of natural covering or to lose valuable or useful quality as a result of decay. So, when dad is sparing you from wisdom and discipline, he is not fully sharing the love of God with you. And his decision to not do so is causing you to decay in value. Brother, I think you need to go to dad and have a heart-to-heart conversation with him on the importance of him sharing wisdom with you. It would help you to make better life decisions that will not cause your life to decay because of him pampering you. You lack in having wise knowledge, also in the ability to discern people inner qualities and intentions, you lack in making good judgment in what is safe or not, and in a course of action for navigating with common sense when you are facing danger. Brother, I want you to bear good fruit so that you can one day teach wisdom and discipline to your future children. Your lack is guiding you in the same direction as your friend William who is now serving three years in person. Please brother have that hard conversation with dad and ask him to tell you the truth about his upbring and the reason why he chose not to raise you with restrictions and discipline. Tell dad the truth about what you have been experiencing because of the lack in knowledge on discipline.

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Judy Owens