“Good morning, Lisa. You are early for your appointment” “Hello, Doctor Ruth. I could not sleep last night. Because I am your first appointment for the day, I decided to come in earlier than my appointment time in fear of falling to sleep and missing my appointment” “Ok Lisa, why the long face? I thought you enjoyed our weekly counseling sessions.” “I am sorry Dr. Ruth, it’s not you. I had another incident this past week and I am disappointed in myself. I was so proud of the progress I had made before this incident.” “Have a sit Lisa, let me get you a cup of coffee and we will start our session as soon as I return a couple of phone calls. I promise we will start at your appointment time” “Ok Dr. Ruth, thank you.”

Lisa is a thirty-year-old single woman without kids. As she waits for her appointment with Dr. Ruth to start, she thinks back on her childhood. Lisa’s parents married at a young age because her mother was pregnant. Her dad was an excellent provider. At the age of eighteen, he got a job working in an automotive repair shop. He would drop off and pick up customers who cars were in the shop for repair. Also, he would keep the shop clean as the mechanics worked. On occasion, he would make a run for the shop owner picking up parts. The shop owner encouraged Lisa’s father Russell to go to trade school to become a certified mechanic. When Russell shared with Lisa’s mother his plans to go to school, she was supportive. Russell reminded his wife Joyce, going to school at night meant he would be away from home longer. Joyce understood the sacrifice would pay-off once he completed school. After Lisa’s father became a certified mechanic, his boss promoted him to a mechanic position. Within two years Russell became the top mechanic. This was great news for Lisa’s mom Joyce, because their family was growing.

Ten years and three kids later, Russell has saved enough money to open his first automotive shop. The stress of being a business owner started after Russell opens his third automotive shop. He started to drink every evening after work to relax. The fights begin when Lisa was eight years old. Her dad would drink then argue with her mother for having so many kids that he had to spend his life working to feed everyone. The fights would be so intense that the police were called by neighbors on several occasions. Lisa’s mom would pass out when her dad was choking her. Lisa spent her childhood in fear of her dad. She loved both her parents but was so fearful of her dad killing her mother. She wanted her mom to fight back; but her mother never did. She would stand there and take the beatings. Lisa grew up confused about life. She could not understand why her mother did not leave if she was not going to fight back. Lisa’s thoughts were interrupted by Dr. Ruth. “Lisa, thank you for patiently waiting until your appointment time. You can come into my office now. Let us start today’s session with the thoughts that race through your mind as you laid awoke last night.”  “Well, Dr. Ruth, as previously stated, I was proud of the progress I had made with the help of counseling. Yesterday, I was having Sunday brunch with a few close friends. One of my friends invited someone she knew I had beef with in, the past.” “What do you mean by beef?” “Sorry Dr. Ruth, beef is slang for problem. Anyhow, I had problems with this one girl in the past. We got into an altercation when she accused me of sleeping with her boyfriend.

My friend knows about the beef, I mean problem I have with this girl. This is why, I cannot understand why she invited her without telling me or why the girl came to a brunch that I am sure she knew I would be at.” “Lisa, why are you so sure that this girl had knowledge that you would be present at the brunch?” “Well, I assumed she knew, because I cannot see my friend not telling her that I would be there.” “Okay, so you are saying that your friend, as you call her, intentionally did not tell you that she invited someone you have a problem with; but did tell the girl you have a problem with; that you would be presence at the brunch.” “I have to think about that one Dr. Ruth; hearing you repeat back to me what I just said doesn’t make much sense to me. I guess my anger is confusing my thoughts.” “Who are you angry with?” “I am angry with my friend for inviting this girl. I am angry with the girl for coming. I am angry with me for believing my friend is my friend.” “Okay, let’s talk about this anger. When did you discovered you were angry?” “I became angry immediately after this girl arrived at the brunch. Once I found out who invited her, I became angrier.” “How soon after becoming angry did you have another incident?” “Well, I sat quietly, eating for about fifteen minutes while the ladies socialized. When my friend asked me why I wasn’t participating in conversation, I lost it.” “What do you mean by lost it?” “I Blacked Out. When I came to myself, my friend was wearing her plate of food on her head and security was loosening my hands from the grip I had around the girl’s neck.” “Were you arrested?” “Security asked my friend and the girl if they wanted to press charges against me. They were instructed that the police would have to be called if they wanted to press charges. Both said no. I was escorted out the restaurant as the other ladies were allowed to stay.” “So, there was a fifteen-minute window between you becoming angry and having an incident.” “Yes, that is correct.” “Yet, you chose to sit there hoping for what instead of getting up and walking away before the incident.” “I do not know Dr. Ruth. I do not know why I chose to sit there when I know I was angry.” “Lisa, we have discussed in previously sessions that in every past incident you had, there was always a small window between the anger you felt and the incident occurring. We always discussed that your course of action is to remove yourself from around the people or place that is causing you anger until you have a chance to calm down. Yet you chose to sit there instead of walking away.”

“Yes, but I am telling you that I don’t know why I chose to sit there.” “Lisa, I think you do know. In order for you to articulate and use power over these incidents, you must be honest with yourself. We as human beings, first level of defense when we are called out on our wrong is to lie. Once the lie has been spoken, our pride would not allow us to admit we lied because we feel that gives the person, we lied to power over us. So, we continued to lie until we actually believe the lie, we told. We eventually get to a place where we no longer know what truth is versus what is a lie. Lies torment our spirit, this is why we do not have any peace when we lie. It is truth that sets us free. When we can stand before a person and tell the truth, especially after lying we gain power and peace. We are no longer condemned by the lie regardless of how much that person we lied to tries to make us feel condemned. There is a feeling of freedom and peace that surpasses all understanding when we tell the truth. The thing we do not realize is that most times people can tell when we are lying. But we think if we stick to the lie, eventually the person we lied to would start to believe the lie and would feel bad for not believing us in the beginning. It is amazing how the prideful human defense mechanism wants someone else to feel bad for not initially believing a lie told to them. We wrestle within ourselves when we hold on to a lie. Lisa, I want you to set yourself free. I cannot do it for you. So, when you are ready to truthfully answer my question then and only then can I help you.  So let me ask you once again; you chose to sit there hoping for what instead of getting up and walking away before the incident.” “Dr. Ruth, I needed an excuse to do what I was thinking when I learned that my so-called best friend invited this girl to brunch without telling me. I felt like slapping the shit out of her and this girl. I knew it would be a matter of time before one of them say something that would trigger me and the incident would take over. I knew the black outs would clear me of any intentionally wrongdoing especially since I am under a doctor’s care.” “Lisa, now you are on the path to truly healing from past hurt and pain; and to gaining victory over the black outs so that no one else is hurt by them.”

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Thank you to all who have purchased my book title “A Thirst That Never Ceases” on Amazon. Please be so kind to leave a review on Amazon; hopefully five stars 😀

Judy Owens