What do you do when you discover your mate is a narcissistic maniac?

Let’s talk about it…

The dictionary describes Narcissist as a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. An online unknown source list narcissistic personality disorder symptoms as follows.

• Being overly boastful, exaggerating one’s own achievements
• Pretending to be superior to others
• Lack of empathy for others
• Looking down on others as inferior
• Monopolizing conversations
• Impatient, angry, unhappy, depressed or has mood swings when criticized
• Easily disappointed when expected importance is not given
• Always craves for “the best” in everything
• Has a very fragile (easily broken) self-esteem

Because a Narcissistic person wants people to see them as perfect, they hide who they really are; especially, when they first meet a person. Socializing with a narcissistic person overtime will expose their true characteristic personality. Let’s see if we can recognize the signs missed by Patrice in the following short story.

Patrice had been living her best life as a single, non-dating individual for five years when she met Chris at her friend’s birthday party. Patrice previous relationship was very hostile. For this reason, she wasn’t interested in dating anyone. Patrice would only socialize within a group atmosphere. Every time she was approached by someone wanting to get to know her in a personal way, she would politely inform them that she was taking a sabbatical leave from dating in order to heal emotionally. Patrice no longer had the desire to jump into a relationship with the first man who showed interest in her. When she met Chris, she felt secure within herself, in making a better choice when it comes to selecting a mate. She felt, taking the proper time to heal emotionally and spiritually has help her confidence in selecting a mate. When Chris approached her, she was beyond comfortable with his characteristic traits portrayed among their social group. She watched for three years how well Chris socialized with the group. He was always helpful, very polite, slow to anger, and the voice of reason. As Patrice observed how Chris operated within the group, she would often wonder why he was not dating someone. He always showed up solo to every event the group put together. Chris showing up solo actually help Patrice feel comfortable in not being the only one showing up without a date.

Patrice felt there was no harm in talking with Chris over the phone when he asked to call her sometimes. She thought to herself, it would be a good way to get to know him better. Patrice was prepared, so she thought, to recognize red flags that would say NO to her and Chris relationship moving beyond a friendship. Patrice was determined not to repeat history by selecting the wrong type of man to be in a relationship with, which is what lead to her taking a break from dating. Patrice and Chris talked over the phone for nearly five months before going on a date. They would often facetime each other whenever they talked. Her only concern was why he had not dated anyone for the last four years. She found it strange. After five months of talking over the phone, they went on their first date. Chris was the perfect gentleman. For the first two months of dating Patrice always met Chris at the restaurant or event they attended as a couple. Because Chris was very patience with her, she felt comfortable in allowing him to come to her home. To her surprised, Chris was the perfect gentleman in her home. He did not try to force himself on her. He asked to kiss her before leaning in for a kiss. He went home at a reasonable time. He helped her clean up the kitchen. Each time they went out, he opens the door for her and he refused to allow her to pay for anything. The only thing he did not do was pull out her chair when she sat. Patrice loved Chris smile. He was always smiling and he appeared to always be listening to her when they talk. She did notice, his feedback in conversations was usually brief, to the point, and in high regards of himself. Patrice was not looking for someone without any flaws; she was looking for someone who was open to show his flaws. And she was looking for someone whose flaws would not harm her in anyway. She understands that compromise is part of any real relationship. However, she was not willing to compromise with someone who is mean spirit; and disrespectful. She did not want to be in a relationship with someone who is mentally or physically abusive. Patrice felt Chris’ flaws appeared to be harmless and something she could live with. Patrice felt very relax and comfort with Chris. On Patrice’s birthday, Chris surprised her with an engagement ring. He asked Patrice to marry him. Patrice feeling like she had found the perfect man said yes to Chris proposal. Chris expressed to Patrice that he wanted a short-term engagement; he was ready to get marry as soon as possible. Patrice wanted time to plan an extravagant wedding. Chris convinces Patrice, the money saved on a wedding could be used as a down payment on a house. Patrice was happy that Chris was thinking about their future together. Therefore, she agreed to a court house wedding with only her closes friends and family in attendance. On the day of the wedding, Patrice was surprise that not one person in Chris’ family attend. As planned, Chris and Patrice purchased a house together immediately after getting married at the court house.

Everything was going well with Chris and Patrice up to the point of decorating and moving into their new house. After they were settled into their home, Chris true authentic self slowly surface. Each time Patrice would talk on the phone to a family member or a friend, Chris would become agitated and throw stuff around. He would knock mail off the table onto the floor; he would push the decorate pillows off the couch onto the floor, and slam doors. Patrice often would immediately end her phone conversation to see what was wrong. Chris would act like he doesn’t know what Patrice is talking about when she asks him why is he behaving in the same manner as a child having a tantrum. He would make her feel bad for asking that question. Also, after living together, Patrice discovers Chris is very messy and would leave his mess for her to clean up. Patrice noticed that Chris stop opening doors for her when it was only the two of them; he would only open the door for her if someone else was present to witness him being a gentleman. Taking out the trash is the only indoor work Chris did within their home. He would give Patrice orders on chores she needed to do in cleaning the house; especially on the weekends. After she would clean the entire house, he would walk on her clean floors with mud on his shoes from him watering the flower bed. Chris was a complete slob behind closed doors; he would leave his funky, dirty clothes all over the house. He would take his coat off; throw it on the couch until he was ready to wear it again. Whenever he would shop at the grocery store for his personal favorites, he would place the bags of grocery on the floor until Patrice put the items away; and he would put his work boots on the dinning room or kitchen table until Patrice removes them. Chris never help Patrice carry heavy items from her car into the house, unless a neighbor was watching; only then would he help her. Chris was all about how others proceed him. He was always ready to put on a gentleman show in the presence of others.

Whenever Chris and Patrice travel together by car, he would get mad at Patrice if he missed his exit on the freeway or had trouble finding the location of where he was going. He would yell at her for not having his back by assisting him with directions. On the flip side, when she did try to help him with directions, he would yell at her for trying to be the front seat driver as a passenger. Patrice was so happy that their home had 2 ½ baths; therefore, she did not have to share a bathroom with Chris. Chris would take two-hour baths using two to three different bubble bath products at one time. He never cleaned his tub or his bathroom. Patrice refused to clean Chris’ bathroom. She couldn’t understand how he would come out his bathroom looking clean and smelling fresh with all those gems from not cleaning his bathroom. He would spend hours in his bathroom, making sure his hair, face and clothes were perfect. He used facial creams, body creams, and special hair product. His clothes have to be fresh from the cleaners, and his shoes had to be freshly polished. Outside appearances and acknowledgements were very important to Chris. He would get mad at Patrice if he did not get the accolades, he expected each time he stepped outside among people. Chris would talk down about people who did not recognize him as a perfect gentleman. Patrice was not allowed to dominate any conversations when Chris was around. He prefers her to play the dumb silent wife who looks to her husband for all the answers. Anyone who comes into their home and do not acknowledge him as the head is no longer welcome into their home; this includes Patrice’s family. It was Patrice’s responsibility to make sure the unwelcome person was no longer invited into their home.

After five years of marriage, Patrice asked Chris for a divorce. As she tried to have a conversation with him regarding the reason, she wants a divorce; he argued that her feelings were fraudulent; therefore, he did not want to hear them. He stated that she is hiding her true feelings of not being able to handle his level of perfection; and therefore, he flipped her request by asking her for a divorce.

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