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Patricia and Bernard have been best friends since the age of five. Patricia’s parents purchase a home next door to Bernard’s family home when she was four years old. Bernard’s mother Janice came over with cookies to welcome Patricia’s family to the neighborhood. From that point on, Patricia and Bernard’s mothers became the best of friends. Both women were in their early thirties when they met and for medical reasons was not able to have any more children. Because they had a lot in common medically and personally; they were able to give each other support during their emotional roller coaster up and down mood swings.

Patricia and Bernard’s parents did not allow them to play outside of their fenced in backyard. This is because the kids in their neighborhood were age twelve and up. They both play with kids their age at school; however, their classmates lived three or more blocks away. As they grew older people begin to call them the Dexter twins because they both lived on Dexter Drive and were very close.

At the age of sixteen, Bernard’s parents bought him a Range Rover car and gave him a black card to cover his expenditures. Patricia’s parents were more conservative in their spending as well as in how they raised their daughter. Bernard would drive him and Patricia to and from school. When Patricia started working part-time after school, Bernard would pick her up assuring that she made it home safely. He really considers Patricia his little sister since he was three months older than her. In turn, Patricia loved and respected Bernard as an older brother. She had his back no matter what.

Patricia notice Bernard’s popularity grew while they were in college. Every day, Bernard had a different girl on his arm or riding in his car. Patricia was dating Bernard’s friend Randy. Randy would tell Patricia about the unfulfilled promises Bernard would make to the girls that was hanging around him. Because Bernard would use his black card to wine and dine these girls, they believed in the promises he made to them. Patricia would listen but remain neutral. She never gave an opinion. She knew what Randy was saying about the unfulfilled promises Bernard made to the girls was true because the young ladies begin to confide in her. The young ladies would tell Patricia about Bernard having them spend their monthly allowance and book money to cover weekend trips while his black card was on a temporary three day hold because of suspicious activity of use in another state. The young ladies would spend their money without question because Bernard previously used his black card to wine and dine them; and, on occasions take them shopping to purchase a nice outfit. When the ladies ask for reimbursement for the money they spent to cover the weekend trip, Bernard would act like he did not know what they were talking about. Then he would remind the ladies of what he done for them when they become irate with him. He would call them gold diggers who is only with him because of what he could provide to them. Bernard’s popularity in college begin to cease prior to graduation. Bernard and Patricia have this one female friend in college who was not a victim of Bernard’s promises made during his college days. Her name is Gladys. Gladys always had a crush on Bernard but did not express it to him because of all the young ladies he entertained. After graduating from college, Patricia and Randy took their relationship to the next level. Randy gave Patricia a promise ring as they both agreed to exclusively date each other as they build their relationship with the hopes of becoming husband and wife. Patricia was concern about Bernard; she decided to take him to dinner to have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. She could see he was feeling a little melancholy about the next chapter of his life after the young ladies dissipated from his life. At dinner, Patricia asked Bernard why he never asked Glady out on a date? Is she not your type; asked Patricia? “I find Gladys very attracted states Bernard; and yes, she is my type. I never asked her out on a date because I put Gladys in a higher statue as the other girls I was dating in college.” What do you mean by higher statue asked Patricia? “Well, I see Gladys as marriage material, not as a party girl. She would be someone I will date when I am ready to settle down.” “Bernard, I’m not sure where you are, at this stage of your life; and I don’t want to rush or influence you to make a rash decision. However, please be aware that young ladies like Gladys are rare and they do not sit on the market for too long if you know what I mean. Glady has a crush on you. She never showed her interest in you because you were always entertaining multiple women at the same time. I just thought you should know.” “Thanks, Patricia, for the wakeup call. I will give our conversation some thought.”

Three months after graduating from college, Bernard finds a job at a local TV station working in production. After he moves out his parent’s home into a one bedroom, his parents pay off his black card and closed the account. Not having the multiple ladies in his life any longer, Bernard decided to give Gladys a call. They talked on the phone for nearly an hour; catching each other up on their current status in life. Bernard finally had the courage to ask Gladys out on a date.  She accepts his offer. However, Bernard missed the excitement from his college days. He loved spending money without any restrictions. He loved how people looked up to him and wanted to be around him because the sky was the limit. He was well known among his peers. The men envy him and all the women wanted to be with him. Now, his life has taken a drastic change. Bernard wants that feeling of excitement and rush again. It made him feel happy and validated. Bernard had applied for a black card, in his name only, after his parents canceled the one, they gave to him at the age of sixteen. Bernard shows up at Gladys’ apartment at 1:00pm on the day of their date. Gladys was surprised to see him. “What are you doing here so early? I thought we agree to you picking me up at 6:00pm.” “You are correct. Although it is not part of the original plan, I come to take you shopping.” Shopping! Why are we going shopping asked Gladys? “I want us both to dress accordingly for the five-star restaurant we will be dining at tonight. I am taking you to Le Marmalade” Wow, states Gladys; that’s an expensive fancy restaurant on the other side of town. “Well, this is a special day; and I want it to show in where we dine for the evening.” Bernard spends $900 for Gladys’ dress, $200 for a one-ounce bottle of perfume and $1,000 for her shoes. His outfit cost a total of $2,500. They were dress to impress when they pulled up to valet parking. They looked and smell like money. The parking lot attendants were making sure they were handled with care in hopes of a huge tip. The combined meal for two cost $1,000 with 25 percent in gratuity, the total billed came to $1,250. The couple did not order an appetizer or dessert. Gladys notice Bernard paid with a black card for dinner and when they went shopping earlier in the day. At dinner, Bernard expressed to Gladys that he was looking for a wife because he was ready to settle down, start a family and buy a home in one of their lavish city’s areas. He tells Gladys that it is his desire to one day marry her. He asked for their relationship to be exclusive. Gladys stated that she would love to be in an exclusive relationship with him. She expressed how she always liked him and prayed that one day they would become a couple.

One year after dating, Bernard purchases a ten-carat diamond engagement ring for Glady. He asked to move in with Gladys in order to save money for their dream home. Little did Glady know; Bernard was racking up debt. He was working a second part-time job and had borrow a substantial amount of money from his parents. Bernard had a friend who worked in Real Estate as a broker. Bernard talked Glady into them purchasing their dream home two months before the wedding. He tells Glady that he wants to take her across the threshold of their forever home after the wedding. Bernard’s Real Estate Broker friend takes them around viewing homes between the range of a million to five million. They both agreed on a five bedroom 4 ½ bath home causing two million. The Broker states, he would contact them after he receives the acceptance letter for the offer. Three days later, the Broker calls Bernard to tell him that their offer was accepted. Bernard had added Gladys to his credit union account prior to them looking for a home. He tells her that he wanted them to pre-qualify for the home together using the same creditor. Little did Gladys know, only her credit was run for purchasing the home. Gladys had outstanding credit and a lucrative business. She was part owner of a medical clinic. Bernard tells the Broker that Gladys is embarrass of the fact that she will be the one purchasing their home. And after he finish paying off some debt, they will refinance the home to add his name to the loan. So, he asked the broker to not make her feel worse by mentioning she is the only one purchasing the home. The broker tells Bernard, he understands will make sure she is not embarrassed. Bernard arranged for Gladys to go to the broker office to sign the mortgage documents without him. He asked the Broker to not have the notary provide copies of the signed documents directly to her; but to instruct her that the documents copies will be sent by courier to their home. As long as it was legal the Broker did not care what their preference were.  Bernard tells Gladys that he will sign the following day after she signs.

Before adding Gladys’s name to his credit union bank account, Bernard had borrowed three hundred thousand and had the money wire to his credit union. He was able to pay the two hundred thousand for the down payment of the house. Bernard had a second bank where his work check was deposit. He used the second bank to paid his bills. Bernard and Gladys had agreed that he will pay the down payment on the house and she will pay for the wedding. He was happy that he did not have to figure out how he was going to pay for the wedding. Gladys also agreed to purchase new furniture for their master bedroom and for the kitchen before they move into their new home. They both agreed to purchase furniture for the remaining rooms of the house together.

After the wedding, Bernard was able to carry his new wife across the threshold of their new home. Bernard was promoted on his job which helped a little with his debt. One week after the wedding, Gladys notices their first mortgage statement was in her name only. When Gladys confronted Bernard, he claims the credit union mortgage agent stated his credit was not needed because Gladys was pre-approved for the entire amount needed to purchase their home. Bernard diverted Gladys’ attention away from the mortgage by telling her she can use $20,000 of the hundred thousand in the credit union joint account to finish furnishing the house. Gladys knew twenty thousand would barely furnish the living and dining room together. Gladys thought to herself that she will match the twenty thousand and they both will purchase furniture for the remaining bedrooms as needed.

Now that Bernard and Gladys are living together as husband and wife, she notices he appears to be having many melancholy moments. When not working long hours, he sits in their bedroom in the dark. Also, she notices he doesn’t show affection. Suddenly Gladys realizes Bernard never shown any form of affection. She had allowed his bubbly personality blind her from seeing his authentic self. Gladys pleaded with Bernard to seek counseling with her. She tells him she feared their marriage will not survive a year if they don’t go to counseling. Bernard realizing it was difficult keeping himself in high spirit agreed with his wife.

After three months of counseling, the psychologist concluded, “the swift shift into life as Adult has been a dramatic change for Bernard. Throughout Bernard’s childhood his parent expressed their love by buying him whatever he wanted. They gave him a black card to cover his expenses at the age of 16. Bernard realized in his early stages of life, fortune bought him attention and affection without recourse for who he was as a person. He made financial promises to people that he did not keep. He caused people to get into debt because of the promises he made. No one checked his creditability for the promises made because he was the big man on campus spending money lavishly. Taking people to five-star restaurants and throwing huge parties on his black card. What people did not know is that Bernard’s spending behavior was his way of expressing love and receiving affection from the people who cheered him on as they enjoyed being in his company because of the financial good time he gave them. Bernard gave to people what he received from his parents. Bernard doesn’t know how to express love outside of showing people a good time. When he cannot express love in the only way he knows, it causes him to become sad and to withdraw from people.” The psychologist ends her conclusion with the following statement; “now that we know the cause of Bernard’s lack in affection, sad moments, and isolation from socializing, we can work on coming up with strategies to change these behavioral traits. I recommend weekly personal counseling for Bernard and once a month family counseling with you both.” Bernard and Gladys both agreed to counseling.

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