When the actions of a person separate them from their family, total healing comes when that person takes accountability for their actions.

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Bobby has always been an unsettled kid growing up. At a young age he was abandon by his birth mother because she allowed her demons to take president over her being a parent. Her actions caused her to be absence from her son’s life; especially in his informative years when a child needs their birth mother the most. Prior to being joined with a blood relative, Bobby had experienced the abuse of being in the home of strangers who only sees him as a pay check. They physically abused him; spent no money on him and allowed him to go hungry as a form of punishment. By the time Bobby’s aunt was legally able to rescue him from the home of his abuser; he was broken and did not trust anyone. Bobby’s aunt having a son the same age as him made it difficult for him to adjust. This is because Bobby believed his aunt would always treat her birth son better than him. It was a challenging time for Bobby’s aunt to take in a child who was emotionally and psychologically trouble due to his experience; however, she vowed before God to love Bobby in the same manner as her birth son. Also, she vowed to raise Bobby with the same Godly principles; and to discipline him with love. The aunt knew it was important to not use the abuse Bobby received as a crutch by allowing him to think rules doesn’t apply to him. Also, the aunt had to show him the same fundamental core values as was shown to her son. The aunt strongly believed in communication and would often express to Bobby why she did or did not do something his way. For example:

At the start of school, Christmas and Easter both boys would get new clothes at the same time. Both were able to pick out their outfits and received equal in pieces as well as new shoes. However, Bobby was harder on shoes than his cousin. Because of this, Bobby would get a new pair of shoes more often or sooner than his cousin. Bobby would feel special because he was the only one receiving new shoes and felt it was because he had favorite over his cousin. Although the aunt would express to Bobby the reason, he is the only one receiving new shoes is because he needs them. However, when Bobby’s cousin needed new shoes, Bobby became anger for not getting a new pair at the same time as his cousin. Bobby verbally expressed that he feels his cousin was being shown favoritism. It did not matter that the aunt has explained to Bobby that her budget does not allow for both boys to receive new shoes when only one person is in need of shoes. Bobby’s aunt stuck to her parenting principles; she refused to allow the kids to dictate or set the ground rules for how she parented them.

Often times the aunt would allow the boys to pick out personal snacks as well as ice cream to last them a week until their next shopping day. The aunt used this as a form in teaching the boys how to budget their supplies. Bobby would sneak and eat all his snacks in two to three days; then he would become anger because his aunt would not buy him additional snacks to last him for the remaining days in the week. Once again, he felt his cousin was being shown favoritism. One day Bobby’s aunt could hear the boys having a discussion on love and favoritism. The boys came running to the aunt/mom asking her who do she love the most among them two. Without hesitation, the aunt immediately said “I love you both equal”. Bobby asked how can you love us both the same? The aunt replied because love is unmeasurable. God loves all his children the same. He might not bless us all at the same time or in the same way; however, he loves us all the same and he gave his only begotten son for the remission of sin to all who believe.

Because Bobby has always been a trouble child through-out elementary school, his aunt was constantly summons to his school to handle one outburst after another. Nevertheless, his aunt was not giving up on him. She put him in sports, purchased him pet animals of his choice, like a guinea pig that she ends up taking care of; nonetheless she wasn’t giving up. God did not give up on her and she refused to give up on Bobby. As Bobby grew into his teen years, he begins to gravitate to the street life by hanging out with boys in the neighborhood that was known for breaking into people houses. The security in their housing community caught him with the same boys as well as with cutters that the fire department uses to break through chained gates and locks. Because security knew Bobby’s aunt as a peaceful tenant, they decided to take him home to his aunt rather than hand him over with the other boys to the police. Security informed the aunt that Bobby will only receive this pass once.  Security expressed to the aunt, if Bobby is caught being a threat to the community again; she would be asked to move or be evicted by the management company. Bobby was becoming more than his relative could handle as a single parent. She sent him to live with the strongest woman she knew; her mother. Bobby lived with his grandmother for a few months until he was accepted in Job Corp.

After completing two years in Job Corp, Bobby went to live with his uncle. Because of the environment, he joined with the wrong crowd and started using drugs. For years, Bobby would deny he was on drugs. He would come to his aunt house high on drugs. His aunt felt uncomfortable with his behavior when he was high, she would occasionally get him a motel room when other relatives would put him out for being high and irate. She would buy him food but did not feel comfortable giving him money. Bobby was in and out of jail. Also, in and out of half way houses, as well as, in and out of different drug rehab centers. After years of getting high, Bobby fought the good fight of faith. He got clean off drugs.

In his soberness, he got a job, an apartment, a new car and a new outlook on life. He is a pleasant person to talk with. His spirit is full of joy. His aunt understands he was a product of his pain; she knew his pain was his reason for self-medicating with drugs.  Now that he is sober, he is battling with playing the blame game. Bobby refuses to take accountability for his actions while on drugs. He refuses to understand why his family had to distance themselves while he was on drugs. Although Bobby believes aunt loves him, he insists on believing his aunt gave favor to her birth son over him. When asked why he believes she favor her birth son over him; Bobby’s replied it’s because when her birth son went to jail at the age of nineteen, she bailed him out but did not bail me out. Which is totally not true. Bobby’s cousin was living with his father when he went to jail for three months. The ex-husband and the son hid it from Bobby’s aunt that her son was in jail. The ex-husband did not tell the mother until the son was offer an early released from jail if he could afford to pay a small monthly fee to be monitor by wearing an angle monitor. Bobby’s mother agreed to pay the monthly fee for six months. This option was not offer to Bobby as far as his aunt knew.

The life lesson the aunt thought she was teaching Bobby end up being a life lesson for herself. She realized although Bobby was now grown and has been delivered from drugs, he was not reformed in the renewing of his mind. Bobby was wearing his pain like a tight glove. It had become his badge of honor. It is what connected him to his birth mother. The aunt had to accept the fact that Bobby blaming her, the one person who rescued him from the hands of his abuser and loved him like he is her birth child, as well as, reunited him back with his relatives could not replace the absence and pain of being separated from his birth mother. Nevertheless, the aunt vowed continue to love him and pray for him. He will forever be her son; it doesn’t matter if she did not give birth to him. 

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