Because the narrative has changed from one generation to next, it’s apparent that men are no longer teaching their sons how to become a gentleman; therefore, the concept of becoming a man has changed. Because of this narrative changed, mothers are stepping in to teach their sons how to respect and treat a woman.

Let’s talk about it…

Twin sisters Malinda and Belinda give birth to their first child within a month apart. Both give birth to sons. Malinda is the oldest twin by five minutes; her son was born one month before her nephew. Although the twins are married, they are really close. Both live in the same neighbor; approximately one mile in distance. They both work for the same company. Their husbands are happy the twins are each other’s best friend. This is because it prevents the husbands from having to deal with the wife’s girlfriend drama, also known as “the outside noise drama”. Because the husbands enjoy hanging out together, the two families would often take family vacations together. It was no surprise to the husbands when they both found out their wives were pregnant at the same time. They called it “A Twin Thing”. Especially when people ask them was it planned by the twins to be pregnant at the same time. “A Twin Thing” life size poster stood at the entrance of the twins combined gender reveal party. Although it was “A Twin Thing” party, the families were surprised to find out, both were having boys. In the words of the husbands; It’s A Twin Thing”.

When Malinda’s son was three months old; the families had a combined Sip and See party. They invited their closes friends and their families. At the party they played a spin the bottle card game. The guess took turns spinning the bottle on a huge board. The person who spins the bottle had to pull the top card from the deck facing the mouth of the bottle when it stopped. There were several decks of cards going around the board. The spinner had to read out loud the question on the card they pulled. The spinner could answer the question; or pass the question to someone else who wanted to answer the question. A guess pulls a card with the following question: In teaching a son to become a man, what is the woman’s role? This question caused such an uproar, the rules of the game were no longer followed. Everyone had an opinion. The only opinions that matter the most were the fathers of the sons being honor at the Sip and See party. The men shouted in unison over and over again, the old cliché “A woman cannot teach a boy how to become a man”. Malinda and Belinda had to silence everyone so that their husbands could speak.

Belinda’s husband spoke first. He vowed that he will be the only one teaching his son how to become a man; Period! He states that it is not my wife’s responsibility; Period! Malinda’s husband opinion was slightly different. He also vowed to teach his son how to become a man; however, he made a statement about lacking in key components of manhood because of the absence of his father. He stated his wife was very patience with him when they first started dating because he was lacking in the gentleman skills. He said, “I had to learn how to handle my wife in a manner that was different from how I handled my homies.” He wasn’t ashamed to let everyone know, that it was his wife who actually taught him skills in being a gentleman. From the mouth of Malinda’s husband; “my wife taught me to open doors for her; to pull her chair out in the restaurant before she sits; to walk on the side of traffic down the street with her; to carry heavy items for her; to take out the trash; especially when she is the one cleaning the entire house after us both. To make sure her car has gas and the maintenance is up to date; to be mindful of my voice and tone when I had a bad day at work. She should not be the scapegoat to lash out on because of my bad day. She helps me understand I am to give to my queen what she is giving to me; which is respect, peace, joy, and love. My wife taught me how something as simple as clear communications can prevent misunderstandings by jumping to the wrong conclusion based on false perceptions. Let me tell you all this; states Malinda’s husband, these principles I learned from my wife is the primary cause of us having a loving, happy and successful marriage for ten years. For this reason, I feel my wife play a role in raising our son in becoming a gentleman. As far as becoming a man in the aspect of protecting, providing and how he is to move about in the streets or among his buddies; I got this.

By the time the two cousins were twenty-five; Belinda’s son has a total of five kids with four baby mamas. He does not get along with any of his baby mamas or paid any child support. He feels it is the mother job to raise the kids; therefore, he declines going to school events, giving his kids birthday parties; taking them to the local park; to amusement parks or anything that involves him being alone with his kids. He hangs out in the streets with his homies when he is not working his security job. Malinda’s son has been married for two years. Him and his wife gave birth to twins; a boy and girl. Malinda’s son and daughter-in-law both work for major corporations. They have a loving, close family unit.

As Belinda reflects back on how similar her and her twin sister lifestyles were; she couldn’t help but realized the difference in how they raise their sons set the tone for their son’s future. Belinda makes it a point, in discussions with her women’s empowering group, to ask all current and future mama’s; what tone are they setting for their kids? The power is in your hands and yours alone. Your kids are depending on you to pave the way that is in their best interest, and that she had to learn the hard way that a mother influence, as well as the father’s, is a powerful part of the child development in preparation for life. She tells them all; I honor you. I salute you. Be Blessed in your journey in setting the tone for your children as their parents.

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