Do relationships fail because of one or all the following: ego, notoriety, outside influencers, misunderstanding, lies, deception, lack of respect and love, infidelity, finances, as well as poor communication? If this the case, what does it take to keep a relationship together on one accord in harmony?
Let’s talk about it…
Relationship is the state of being interrelated between participants. Let us look at three scenarios of relationships that has allowed toxicity to cause damage. At the end of these scenarios, let put together the good of each to see what a substantial relationship looks like minus the toxicity.
The first scenario is a relationship among three couples who brought together their resources, knowledge, skills, time, and finances to build a powerful company that showcase their talents with a goal to financially support their families and to build generational wealth. This company comprising of six members was successfully achieving what they had set out to do until one member felt it would be more fluent if they have access to public notoriety. Having public notoriety is a good business move; however, notoriety can become a toxicity when there is no code of conduct establish within the business core values. Personal problems and feelings should never be an influencer in business operations, especially within the public eye. Many successful businesses are not successful because all their heavy hitters or partners always see eye to eye on everything. It’s because the partners keep the goal in mind, and operates within that goal, which is to grow the company. Therefore, if this mean they have to bit their tongues, and grind their teeth in order to conduct business minus any negative personal feelings against one of the partners, that is what they do. Some of the partners in this scenario allowed personal situations to showcase their personal feelings and emotions within the business setting. Not only did they showcase their personal feelings; they publicly air their emotional outburst by including other partners who were publicly free from it. They exposed other partners alleged personal dirty laundry. The moral of this company’s partnership clearly shows that hurt people do not want to hurt alone. This is a clear case of; “if my personal affairs are going to be publicly exposed, so will yours;” partnership or no partnership. Because of the public outburst, this company’s partnership has been severed. The company ownership has decreased from six to only two people.
The second scenario is an intimate relationship among a couple. This couple has been married for five years. The husband is the site manager of a distribution warehouse for a large corporation. The wife owns a small paralegal business that consists of herself and six employees. During the first year of this couple marriage, the husband would open the doors for his wife. Carry heavy items from her car into the house, take his wife on a date every weekend, ask her opinion on important issues; actively listens to her viewpoint, cover 75 percent of the household expenses, as well as take her car for service. After the first year of marriage, the husband reduces his coverage of the household expenses to 50 percent. He stops opening doors for his wife. He stops taking her on a date. He stops carry heavy items for her; in fact, he would sit and watch her carry heavy items without offering to help. She was no longer allowed to share her opinion on important issues, and he no longer value her viewpoint on anything. If she had a flat tire, she had to call triple A. She had to take her car for service each year because the husband always claims to be busy. Although the wife worked a full-time job, she was still responsible for preparing meals for her husband, cleaning the entire house, washing his clothes, and picking up his dry cleaning. He would talk to her in a derogatory way in public. The wife would watch her husband run to the aid of the single women in their neighbor to assist them in carrying items; opening doors for them, as well as put their trash can on the curve each week on trash day. The husband’s ego grew larger than his height, so did his jealousy of his wife success in business, which caused his wife to file for divorce after 5 years of marriage.
The third scenario is a relationship between best friends. These two individuals have been friends for ten years. They would hang out together on the weekends. They would occasionally go on double dates. They would discuss and confide in each other about every aspect of their life. They would support and encourage each other. After one friend mate broke her heart; she became withdrawn from her best friend, who was actively in a happy relationship with her mate. The friend who heart was broken would point out flaws in her best friend. She would say after pointing out her friend’s imperfections; why do your mate keep allowing you to walk in error? Then she would say, maybe your mate doesn’t say anything because he is cheating on you therefore, he doesn’t care. The friend who heart was broken was constantly making judgmental statements to her friend of ten years. This caused a wedge between the two friends which eventually lead to them going their separate way and never talking to each other again.
From these three scenarios, we could clearly see that; ego, outside influencers, misunderstanding, poor communication, lack of respect and love, lack of self-discipline, lack of commitment, being deceitful, lying to self as well as to others, jealousy, not wanting to see a partner or friend grow beyond their threshold, afflicting one’s pain on another, are all contributors towards the demise of these relationships. How do we change this narrative? We start with looking beyond the representative of the person or people we are forming a relationship with. We do this because the representative will always mesmerize us with an illusion of who it represents. Then we end up building hope base on the illusion. Therefore, when the real person shows up without their representative, we feel betrayed. This betrayal causes us to match the energy of the real person, which in-turns causes conflict and separation. By looking beyond, the representative, it allows us to accept, this is the now; however, we understand it could change. Nevertheless, if it changes, I am committed to the goal because what I brought to the table is my authentic self, who refuses to allow emotions to alter the initial course of action.
When you bring your authentic self and commit to the goal or purpose in being presence in the relationship or partnership by standing ten toes strong in your truth regardless of how the others in the relationship or partnership change from their representative to someone you do not know. You will continue to blossom and be successful, with or without the pain from the ending of the partnership. The counterfeiters will fall by the waste side; yet it will not stop you from prospering as long as your mind stays on your goal or purpose and not on the loss. The truth will always set you free, and you will be cover by The Light of Truth. Be strong and be of good courage. Never allow a counterfeiter to still your joy. The power of your true self is greater than the deception of the representative.
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