Should this rule only apply to a person who has a minor child?
Let’s talk about it…
Karen and Joe were dating for three years when Joe asked her to marry him. Karen does not have any kids of her own. However, Karen was fully aware that Joe was a male hoer when she met him. He had eight kids and six baby mamas and was tiptoeing in and out of well-known professional women beds in the dark. We all know; what you do in the dark, comes out in the light. The women that were sexing with Joe wanted to remain anonymous because of their profession. They did not care about the other women Joe was seeing in addition to them. He was their boy toy. They all liked what he did with his tongue. He was not marriage material in their eyes. When Karen met Joe, she had just moved to town because of her new job as an attorney. The radio station where Joe works is down the street from the law office where Karen works. They met by accidentally bumping each other in passing at a diner, near their jobs, during their lunch hour. Joe took one look at Karen’s big butt and instantly turned on the southern charm he used to catch all the other professional women in his life. She was mesmerized by Joe’s charm and his dreamy eyes. He spoke in his sensual tone with her. They sat at the same table for lunch. After their lunch hour was up, they exchanged contact information. The two begin to date shortly after meeting each other. Because Karen found herself falling fast for Joe; she did a back ground check on him. His professional credentials checked out okay. He did not have any criminal history. She did see he had been before a judge on several occasions due to back child support he owed to each of his children’s moms. In the background check, several women were listed as possible relatives or associates. Karen discovered as she investigated, that Joe lived with many of the women listed as possible relatives for a short period of time. This is why his name was connected to their addresses. It appeared that Joe was moving from one woman home to another every six months. Karen was initially puzzle, but after putting two and two together, she realized he was financially stricken with child support and trying to keep his newly open bar afloat.
Joe knew that Karen was a different kind of woman. He felt she was his opportunity to start fresh with someone who did not know his past. He was ready to settle down with one woman. As an attorney, Karen understands that everyone has done something in their past that they are not proud of and would like to keep it private. Therefore, she decided to keep what she found out about Joe’s past to herself until he proposed to her. After saying yes to marrying Joe, Karen decided to come clean with Joe, letting him know that she was fully aware of his past. She informed Joe that according to her upbringing, he would need to meet her immediate family and confess his past sins to them as well as give an account to them as to how he has changed and what he is doing to never return to his sinful ways. Joe is having an issue with Karen’s request to talk with her family about what she labels as his past sins; after all, they both are in their forties. Joe tried to reason with Karen by saying, “why do I need to confess what you classify as past sins to your family. My kids were not conceived out of sin; they were conceived out of love; besides, I am marrying you, not your family.” Joe was no match for the fast-talking attorney. By the time she was finish with him, he found himself at church pleading with the pastor of the church to forgive him for his sins. The pastor tells Joe, I think you are looking for the church down the street. The one with the big bell on top that rings every Sunday at noon. We do not have a confusion booth here. According to our doctrine, God is the only one you need to confuse your sins to and ask forgiveness. After talking to the pastor about his dilemma with his fiancé; the pastor agreed to counsel them both. Karen agreed to counsel with Joe’s pastor only because the doctrine of his church was very similar to the doctrine of her home town church she attended with her family as a child. Although counseling was going well, the pastor nor Joe could persuade Karen to change her mind on Joe having to confess his sins to her family.
Karen’s parents and brother flew in town to meet Joe. After dinner, everyone went to Karen and Joe’s home. Yes, you heard me correctly. Joe and Karen were living together. Karen’s mother begins to speak on how important it is for their family doctrine to be passed down from one generation to the other. All though Joe was confused, he answered each one questions about his so call past sins; also, he gave an explanation in how he has changed from his sinful ways. Each family member gave their blessing for Karen to marry Joe; due to his sincere promise to change from his sinful ways. Before going back to their hotel room each family member expressed to Joe, because of Karen he has a commitment to each of them as well, and that they will not tolerate any disorderly conduct especially extra marital affairs. Joe was scared straight after Karen’s six feet; seven inches 285 pounds of lean muscle father and brother finish speaking. He agreed to their principles. In between the time Joe and Karen got engaged to the time they were marry; Joe had sex with two of his ex-girlfriends. Joe knew he had to tell Karen because a baby was on its way. One of the exes was pregnant. Joe decided to break the news in a counseling session with the pastor. Karen was heartbroken; her and Joe broke up for three months. Joe had moved into a back room in his club for the three months him and Karen were separated. Karen was missing Joe. She went to him and made him swear that he would not cheap on her again. Joe agreed. Four months after returning home, Joe and Karen got married. Karen family did not attend the wedding. After returning from their honey moon, Karen tells Joe that he has to inform her family of his sins since a baby was involved. When Joe refused to talk with her family, she became irate and begin to yell at him. She tells him you broke your commitment to my mother, my father, and my brother and you are going to hold yourself accountable to them by confusing your sins. They need to hear it from you, not me states Karen. Joe asked Karen, why do I need to confess to your family as your husband; we are married. You and I have worked through this. It will never happen again, so why do I need to talk to your family. Karen tells Joe, because I don’t want them to ride up on you after they read about it on social media. Joe did not agree and tried his best to avoid having to discuss it.
Joe’s mother became ill. He begins to spent time with his mom. Karen became irate again, yelling as she tells him that he was using his mother’s sickness as an excuse to not talk to her family. Karen secretly flies her mother and brother in town. She tells Joe to meet them at the restaurant. Joe text Karen saying that he couldn’t make it because he was with his mother at the doctor’s office. Because Karen’s mother and brother were scheduled to fly back home the next morning, she brings them to her home to wait on Joe to get home. Shortly after arriving home, she realized Joe was hiding in their bedroom with the door closed. Karen made him come out the bedroom to talk with her family. After Joe confirming what Karen told her family at dinner regarding Joe’s sins, he expressed how sorry he was and that nothing like this would ever happen again. He explained that what happen was when him and Karen were on a break before they got marry. The mother expressed her disappointment in Joe. She let him know this type of behavior was not tolerated in their family and she hope he put fore actions in place to never let this type of shame come upon their family ever again. Karen kept apologizing to her mother for Joe’s actions. Karen looked like a scare little girl who had disappointed her mother beyond repair as she kept apologizing. Karen’s brother straight up tells Joe, if something like this happens again, I will come back in town to get my sister and handle the situation. Then he asked Joe, do you understand? At this moment, Joe begins to look like a little boy who parents has just spank his butt for misbehaving. Joe nobs his head as he says, yes, I understand. It’s obvious that Joe loves his wife Karen beyond words in order to accept her family’s personal doctrine as his owns especially when their personal doctrine appears to be one sided.
The weird thing about Karen’s family personal doctrine; as church goers it contradicts the word of God. In Genesis 2:23-24; after God created a helpmeet for Adam; “Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh.” Also, in Ephesians 5; it is written that wives are to submit themselves unto their own husband and husband are to love their wives as Christ also loved the church; in verse 31 of chapter 5 “it is written; For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife and they two shall be one flesh.” It looks to me that Joe has become one flesh with Karen, her mother, her father, and her brother. I cannot argue against how they choose to live their lives as a marry couple. However personally, I do not think parents and siblings should be this involved in the marriage of their family member. It’s one thing to support a married family member through a difficult time in the marriage versus totally controlling the principles of their marriage. To each its own; we live and we learn. What do you think? Answer this question for yourself. Do we marry a person family when we marry the person?
Leave a comment