Let’s talk about it…
The dictionary define friend as “one attached to another by affection or esteem; one that is not hostile; a favored companion.” Although this is how friend is defined in the dictionary, each person appears to have their own criteria in defining a friend. Let’s take a look at how Patricia and Beverly define their friendship based on their relationship.
Patricia and Beverly meet through a mutual associate approximately five years ago. There was an instant connection between the two. The best way in describing their connection is they both have “like energy or kindred spirit”. The ladies would hang out together in their spare time. They would talk to each other on the phone daily about life in general concerning their kids; their spouses; their jobs. Nothing appeared to be off limit in their conversations. Beverly confided in Patricia that she was having marital problems beyond repair. She expressed how verbally abusive her husband was to her, as well as, disrespectful by cheating on her, in front of their kids, with women she knew. She further expressed that her husband would make her look like the bad person by telling their kids negative things about her. She said that each time one of the kids would ask their dad, why he was kissing and holding hands with another woman; the dad reply was “because your mother doesn’t want me to hold her hand or kiss her”. Beverly kids ages are two, six, ten and twelve which is too young to be hearing the negative things their father is saying about their mother. The kids were force to listen to their dad tell them that their mother doesn’t take care of her wifey duties. And that she doesn’t care about her marriage or their family. He tells them their mother is the reason they are not together as a family. The kids were hurt and confused. It did not go unnoticed by the kids that their father wasn’t coming around much after he moved out the home. They could not understand why their mother was causing him to be absence from the home and not spending as much time with them. The kids kept begging their mom to do her wifey duties so that dad can come back home. Patricia was a big help to Beverly throughout the emotional roller coaster ride she was on with her husband. When Beverly husband would try to publicly embarrass her, Patricia was right there stopping him dead in his tracks by defending her friend. Patricia also had her friend back when others tried to horn in on the nasty rumors Beverly husband was saying about her as to the reasons, they are no longer together. Eventually everyone learned the truth behind Beverly husband reasoning for spreading lies about her. He was covering up his infidelity and the child he had outside his marriage with one of his side chicks. Patricia was by Beverly side throughout the entire divorce process. When Beverly divorce was finalized, Patricia and her celebrated together. Patricia threw Beverly a freedom party with all her closes friends in attendance.
Beverly was so appreciative for her friend Patricia. She made sure to be just as presence in her friend life when she learned six months after her divorce, that Patricia and her husband public appearance together was a front to cover infidelity. Beverly tried to find a very subtle way to talk to Patrice about the rumors in her marriage. Each time Beverly would ask her friend about her husband being a no show or missing in action, Patricia would say it’s because he is working out of town. Beverly knew it was something more than him working out of town after a year of not seeing him. Beverly expressed to Patricia that she has her back and was here to support her. She tells Patricia, “You are not alone, I am here for you. Please allow me to help you.” Patricia replied to Beverly by saying, “Of course my friend, I know you are here and I will definitely let you know if I need help.” One day Beverly goes over to Patricia house unannounced. Patricia did not want to invite her friend inside her home; nevertheless, Beverly pushed her way inside. Beverly noticed Patricia was sitting in the dark with no heat on. Beverly handed her friend two thousand dollars, kiss her friend on the cheek then made her friend promise to call her if she needed anything. Beverly couldn’t understand why her friend wouldn’t allow her to be there for her in the same manner that her friend was a support to her throughout her divorce. After nearly a year later of Patricia acting strange around Beverly and giving excuses because her husband wasn’t around; Patricia announced at a lady’s only event host by Beverly, that she was divorced. Beverly was surprised and hurt that her best friend was announcing to everyone presence “she was divorce”. Beverly couldn’t believe that her friend did not share with her any marital problems she was having or the fact that she was going through a divorce prior to making the announcement with everyone. At that moment, Beverly realized Patricia did not allow her to be a supported friend to her. She couldn’t understand why. Beverly thought to herself, “Why wouldn’t Patricia allow me to be there for her in the same way that she was presence for me as a supported friend?” Beverly begins to question the authenticity of their relationship.
Because of Patricia nonchalant attitude with Beverly; Beverly decided to no longer question Patricia about their friendship. She decided to match energy by giving Patricia what she was receiving from her. If Patricia distance herself from Beverly, it was matched by Beverly. The weird thing is, Patricia realized that Beverly changed towards her; but was clueless that Beverly was matching her energy as to what she was giving. Patricia could not see that she had changed the criteria of her friendship to Beverly immediately after Beverly’s problem with her ex-husband was resolved through divorce. Also, she could not see how she rejected Beverly support as a friend when the table turn and she was the one having marital problem. Patricia was behaving like someone who did not want to show any vulnerability or hurt by keeping her marital problems to herself until the divorce was final. Beverly could not talk to Patricia about the change in their friendship because it went over Patricia’s head. Patricia would interrupt Beverly conversations on friendship by saying “I don’t know what you are talking about. Can you please let this go?”
After’s Beverly’s divorce, Patricia befriended one of Beverly’s ex-friends. Beverly disassociated with her ex-friend after finding out the ex-friend slept with her husband. For reasons unbeknown to Beverly, she could not understand why Patricia switch gears by becoming friends with one of her husband mistresses as well as disassociate as her friend. Beverly decided to let it go in trying to figure out what happen between her and Patricia’s relationship. She did not want to have any ill feelings against Patricia because of the gratitude she felt for her being presence in her life at a time when she really needed a friend.
Beverly would occasionally overhear the neighbors talking about Patricia husband divorced her because of her infidelity. Although Beverly and Patricia friendship was over, she was tired of hearing the rumors and felt the need to defend the honor of her once best friend. She confronted the neighbors as they were in the middle of discussing Patricia’s affair. One of the neighbors shouted at Beverly, “why are you defending your husband’s mistress.” The neighbor further tells Beverly, your husband sleep with many women in this neighborhood including your friend Patricia. This is the reason Patricia husband walked away from his marriage and filed for a divorce. Beverly froze with disbelief. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything. She immediately went to Patricia’s home to confront her about the rumor. Beverly non-stop rang Patricia’s doorbell at less twelve times before Patricia opens the door. She looked her ex-friend in the eyes and asked her “did you”. Before she could finish her question, Patricia was crying uncontrollably. Beverly turned and walked away without hearing Patricia’s replied.
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