The elaboration of relationship connections

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Judy Owens is a 2025 award winning author who is an avid reader of all genres of books. Her book title “A Thirst That Never Ceases” has won an International Impact Book Award in the category of “Life Experience – Real Life Accounts”. Book website is https://a.co/d/5au6GYA Thank you to all who have purchased my book title “A Thirst That Never Ceases” on Amazon. Please be so kind to leave a review on Amazon; hopefully five stars :D Judy Owens
  • Light versus Darkness; Relationship.

    Light versus Darkness; Relationship.

    Description:  Light should never mimic darkness as a lesson in showing darkness its behavior.

    The characteristic attributes of someone whose behavioral traits operates in darkness is: Narcissistic, Deceiver, A Cun that use cunning skills, A Liar, and A Thief. They are confident in their darkness, as well as, clever in their craftiness. They enjoy deceiving, controlling, and manipulating people.

    The characteristic attribute of Light is Love. As many of you know the behavioral traits of love is: Joy, Peace, Longsuffering, Gentleness, Goodness, Meekness, Temperance, and Faith.

    Let’s talk it…

    My spiritual sister Dorthy called me weeks ago regarding her roommate, the wannabe HBIC. After Dorthy kids moved out the house, she decided to rent one of her bedrooms. Three bedrooms with 2 ½ baths was too much house for Dorthy, who is retired. Dorthy thought it would be nice to have some company and make some extra money.  Dorthy met her roommate at a church revival that was within walking distance from her home. Dorthy’s home church is approximately a forty-minute drive from where she lives. After receiving a flyer on her door Dorthy decided to check out the local church revival. Dorthy assumed the lady she met at the revival was a member of the church she was visiting. The roommate appeared to be a very nice considerate middle-aged woman. Before becoming roommates, Dorthy would meet with the lady for lunch on Saturdays. Things were going well in the beginning with them as roommates. And, because the roommate worked from home, Dorthy allowed her to use the third bedroom as an office.

    For the first three months, the roommate kept the house tidy in its proper order the way it was when she moved in. I guess the roommate was tired of playing the role of a considerate tidy person because three months after moving in Dorthy’s house the representative that Dorthy met had retired and instantly turned into a filthy lying counterfeiter. She begins to leave her breakfast and lunch dishes in the third bedroom where she worked with food still in the dishes. She would cook and leave the stove messy with seasoning and liquid spills. She would not wash the pots that she used. She would never remove outdated items of hers from the refrigerator. Her food would rot inside the refrigerator. She would touch the white kitchen cabinets and pantry doors with her messy fingers without cleaning up the mess. Her bathroom always smelled like something was dead and she never cleaned the tub or toilet. Half eaten food was left open in the pantry to rot. Whenever Dorthy would complaint, the roommate would become angry and would tell Dorthy she needs to give her time to clean. Dorthy would say her, “It has been weeks how much time do I need to give you”. The roommate would argue and yeah at Dorthy, “you want me to be like you, and I am not like you”. It got to the point where the roommate started going in Dorthy bedroom to take things in retaliation of Dorthy’s complaints. She would do this whenever Dorthy would leave to run errands. Dorthy thought she was losing her mind misplacing things. But after weeks of not finding the missing items, Dorthy decided to follow her gut feeling by putting a Ring camera in her bedroom.

    The roommate went to Dorthy’s bedroom to ask her a question when she spotted the camera. She notices that a blue light would come on each time she moved in front of the camera. Even with the camera installed things kept coming up missing. Dorthy found out that the roommate was temporarily turning off the wi-fi so that the camera would not pick up her roaming into Dorthy’s room.

    Dorthy decided it was time to give the roommate a dose of her own medicine by matching the roommate’s energy and behavior. I told Dorthy, matching the roommate’s behavior was allowing darkness to rule and govern her behavior. That she was expressing to Light (God) that darkness was greater. Dorthy’s actions implied that she was losing faith in Light.

    I expressed to Dorthy that she cannot use the craftiness of darkness to show darkness who they are. Darkness knew who she was when she temporarily deceived you with a representative that mimic light.

    Dorthy’s power was in the light. Only light can conquer darkness. I encouraged Dorothy to do the following:

    1. Give her a thirty-day notice to move.
    2. Play your spiritual music loud for those 30 days as you sing praises to God
    3. Invite the prayer warriors over for a prayer party
    4. Have an overnight shut-in prayer party, at your home, with the mother board from the church.
    5. Bag up all her rotten food, put it in her room, let her know that you did not want to throw it out without her permission.
    6. Invite a prayer warrior to come stay with you for a couple of weeks so that your roommate would have to use her rented bedroom only and not the third bedroom as an office.
    7. Put a key lock on your bedroom door until she moves.

    After following the seven steps, the roommate moved out of Dorothy’s home in the middle of the night on the 25th day of the thirty-day notice. The roommate did not return Dorothy’s house key. Dorothy had to change the locks at her home. Changing the locks was a well worth investment.

    https://thebookoflife.site

  • What do you do when your grown ass sons do not want you to date anyone?

    What do you do when your grown ass sons do not want you to date anyone?

    Description:  What in the bee’s wax is going on when sons in their thirties are crying because their mama is dating.

    Ok Curtis, if you read this blog, you know your mama talks to me, I got my sister back on this one. You and your brother Pookie are wrong. I am going to stay out of it by allowing the readers to share words of wisdom about the distress you two are causing your mama.

    Here is the story, my good sister friend Pat, ex-husband left her and their sons when the boys were in elementary school. We are going to call him mister; because I do not want any problems by putting mister real name on blast. Mister decided that after 12 years of marriage, he was tire of being a husband, a father, and a provider; so, his sorry butt left his family and move to another state to be with another woman and her kids. Yeah, you heard me right, he moved into another woman’s house with her and her kids. And no, not as her roommate, but as her lover. And the reason I say as her lover, because he bought her an engagement ring, and had the nerve to post it on Facebook. Until this day, they still are not married. Enough about mister and his sorry butt, because the story is about the boys.

    The boy’s dad left when Curtis was ten years old and Pookie was only six years old. Pat was devastated for years after mister left her and the boys. It caused her to develop this stronghold against men.  She did not trust men. In an attempt to help my sister friend, I invited her to attend a woman’s group at a nonprofit organization that was exclusively for women’s growth. This women’s group helped Pat tremendously. Eighteen months after participating in the group, Pat begins to change her way of thinking about men. She no longer boxed them all into the same category as a lying cheater who runs from their commitment and responsibility. By the time, Curtis was a senior and Pookie was a freshman in high school, Pat started casually dating. She never invited any man to her home or introduced her boys to anyone she as dating.

     After Curtis graduated from high school, Pat begins to only date Jerome. Although they were getting close fast, she never invited him to her home or introduce him to her boys. Pat did not want to bring anyone she was dating around the boys because her dates were never exclusive serious relationship. 

    By the time, Pookie graduated from high school. Jerome was ready to take his relationship with Pat to the next level. He asked Pat for an exclusive relationship. Pat was happy to enter in an exclusive relationship with Jermone. Although Pat and Jermone were committed to each other only, she could not bring herself to invite Jermone to her home or to meet her sons. After years of being patient, Jermone decided to put his foot down. He demanded that Pat’s actions match the words she was proclaiming regarding their relationship. Jermone demand to meet Pat’s sons and to receive an invite to her home.

     Pat realized Jerome had to be in love with her to put up with all the excuses and insecurities she had with bringing a man to her home. Also, she realized he is committed to making their relationship work. She knows Jermone is the one, mainly because of his patience and commitment to the relationship. Jermone wanted Pat to meet his family first to show that he is serious about their relationship. Therefore, he invited Pat to come to his family’s quarterly dinner at his parents’ house so that she could meet his siblings and his parents. Pat hit it off well with Jerome’s family right away. They felt an instant connection to each other. Jermone’s sibling asked Pat why she did not bring her sons with her to the dinner. Pat made up an excuse. She promised to bring them to the next family dinner.

    As Jerome’s family next quarterly dinner was a month away, he began to pressure Pat about meeting the boys before the dinner. By this time, Pookie was twenty-seven and was working in the I.T. department for a major corporation. He was casually dating but had favor one girl over the others. Because Pookie does not have the privacy to bring a date home for an overnight visit at his mom’s house, he decided to rent his own place in close proximity to his mom’s home. Pat was looking forward to Pookie moving out so that she can now feel more comfortable about inviting Jermone to her home for overnight visits instead of always having to go to his place. At thirty-one, Curtis is living with his girlfriend and their two-year daughter.

    Pat decided to take a page out of Jermone’s family book by scheduling a family dinner at her home for the boys to meet Jermone. She did not tell the boys that they would be meeting her man.

    At dinner, although the boys were giving Jerome the side eye, they greeted him kindly. After eating the boys started asking Jerome a lot of questions without giving him time to answer any of the questions. Jerome had to stop them by saying “one question at a time.” At this point Pat intervened by telling the boys that her and Jermone had been dating for over eight years. Curtis turned three shades of red after his mom said that her and Jermone were in a serious exclusive relationship. Pookie yelled, “who the hell is he and where did he come from?”  Pat tried to speak about her and Jerome relationship and how they met when her words choked in her throat. Suddenly, Curtis jumps up with tears in his eyes shouting “my mama isn’t dating no damn body.”

    At this point, Pat knew the only way to get control of the situation was to ask Jerome to leave as she talk to her boys in private. She promised to call him later. Jerome left without saying anything. Pat was unable to have a civil adult conversation with her sons. She could not believe how immature they were behaving like toddlers having a temper tantrum.  They kept telling their mom that she did not need to be dating anyone because being their mom was a full-time job, and that they did not trust any man with their mom. Pat did not know how to handle the situation with her boys. She froze. As of now with the boys living outside the home, they do not come to their mother’s home. They only talk to her over the phone. To this day, Pat must keep her sons separated from her new husband, Jerome.

    https://thebookoflife.site

  • New Gen versus Old Gen

    New Gen versus Old Gen

    Description:  Is it a generation gap when a daughter feels her single mom is not equipped to give relationship advice?

    My cousin Betty has a daughter named Janice. Janice is twenty-five years old; she recently graduated from college approximately six months ago with a Bachelor’s degree in Business Management. Betty is my first cousin, which means Janice is my second cousin. Between graduating from high school until the time Janice made the decision to go to college, at the age of twenty, she spent two years finding herself; her words exactly. Betty allowed Janice the space to find herself without any input whatsoever from her. At the end of that two-year period, Betty could see her daughter was proudly strutting a new attitude wearing an invisible crown engraved with the words, “I am a grown ass lady”. In the words of Betty, “my daughter was wearing her crown well”. Betty felt her daughter’s new attitude and bold actions clearly implied that she had found herself. Janice was telling the world and her mama, “I don’t need no one telling me what to do, when to do it, or how to do it.” So, Betty stayed out of her daughter’s way by allowing life to become her daughter’s greatest teacher.

    Three months after Janice started college, things began to shift between her and Betty. They became the best of friends. I’m thinking, in my prospective, the shift in their relationship changed because, by way of the grapevine, Janice was allegedly dating an older guy, who possibility attended the same college, around the same time Betty’s relationship of ten years ended. So therefore, I concluded that Janice new beau is the cause of her new attitude. And I say this because, Janice stopped hanging out with her friends from high school once she started college. Also, at this time, is when Janice begins to speak often about their immaturity. Janice would say, “her high school friends only substance in life was drinking, partying, and fighting”. I doubt if this new revelation came to Janice during the two years, she was laying on her mama’s couch finding herself.

    Now on the flip side; you know there is always a flip side. Unbeknown to Janice, Betty was flirting with a younger guy around the same time Janice found herself. I believe the reason Betty decided to allow life to become her daughter’s greatest teacher is because she was stroking the ego of a guy ten years younger than herself. Betty and her forty-year-old guy friend were hot and heavy for about six months. She could not stop talking about him in an explicit way before he went back to his ex. As previously stated, Janice had no knowledge about her mama’s relationship with a man ten years younger. Janice moved out of her mother’s house two years after starting college. Therefore, the only relationship Janice had knowledge of, besides her dad, was the ten-year relationship her mom had with an older guy.  Betty has always been a gorgeous young-looking lady with a beautiful figure. So, her dating a younger man, at the age of fifty was no surprise to me. Especially when her ten-year relationship ended become her older guy kids took over his estate due to his Alzheimer’s disease. So, it was understandable that she would date someone younger. Although, the relationship with the younger guy only lasted for six months, it softens Betty in a youthful good way. She changed her attire and her perspective on many life issues. My cousin was singing a new song.

    Janice and her mom would often go shopping together. They would go out once a week to dinner. Janice begins to confide in her mom about her dating relationship. Betty would hold her opinion whenever Janice confided in her. She would allow her daughter to freely speak without judgement. Betty never asked any questions. After four years of dating Robert, Janice decided to share more personal information with her mom about who she was dating. Janice shared that she and Robert had been secretly living together for two years. This news brought clarity to Betty, as to why Janice never given her an invitation to her home. Also, it answered Betty’s question as to why Janice always suggests meeting at the restaurant when Betty would offer to pick her up. Betty mind was moving a mile per minute as Janice was talking; But, as hard as it was, she allowed her daughter to freely talk by listening without interrupting her. Let me tell you, when Janice stated that her boyfriend was forty-two, and is a single father of a seven-year-old son, that she proudly announced, she is helping her man to raise. Betty jaw hit the floor.

    Betty asked her daughter how long she dated Robert before moving in with him. According to Janice, she started dating Robert at the start of her enrollment in college, and she moved in with him at the end of her sophomore year, which is when Janice moved out of her mom’s home. How did you meet Robert, Betty asked. This question allowed Janice the freedom to have girl to girl talk. Janice was thinking her mom was in girlfriend mode at this moment. Little did she know her mom had transformed into mommy knows best mode. Janice explained to her mother that Robert was the academic counselor she met with prior to selecting her courses during the enrollment period in college. Janice goes on to talk about or brag about how Robert has been working at the college for nine years as an academic counselor and as the assistant director of the financial aid department. She tells her mom; Robert job is the reason she had to keep their relationship a secret and now that she has graduated, she is allowed to invite family to visit the home she share with Robert. Janice further expresses to her mother that she needs to continue to keep her relationship with Robert private from her friends. Janice proudly declared that her and Robert have put together a five-year planned for their future. They will get married in five years and in the meantime, she is to start her business management company helping entrepreneurs set up their business. And by no means is she allowed to get pregnant until she and Robert have been married for at least year. Also, Janice expresses it is her responsibility to care for Robert’s son.  

    After Janice paused from talking about her and Robert future; Betty did not waste any time diving in with her opinion. Betty straight out tells Janice that she believes Robert is manipulating her and is using her youthfulness for his gain and convenient. Before Betty could verbally complete her thoughts, Janice jumps up from the table and proceeded to cuss out her mother, calling her mom a hater and a miserable old lady that cannot keep a man. Janice tells her mom that she was jealous of her youthfulness and of her perfect relationship with Robert, and that she doesn’t want to see her happy. Janice slowly walks out the restaurant while yelling back at her mom, “you are not equipped to give me relationship advice considering that you are without a man and hasn’t been successful in a relationship.”

    Betty called me crying after she arrived home from the restaurant. For the first time I was speechless. Whew child, that was a lot to take in. How do one give uplifting advice after that? The only advice I had for Betty is to allow life to be her daughter’s greatest teacher.

    https://thebookoflife.site

  • Lending money to a family member

    Lending money to a family member

    Description:  Should one ask for a promissory repayment note when lending money to a family member?

    Raise your hand if you are a generous giver to your family. I am. Giving does not have to always be in a form of money. It can be in the form of charity with your time, psychological support, gifts, extending grace, and the list can go on and on depending on the need of the family member. The thing about family is, when one member see that you are faithfully helping another family member, many times instead of saying “thank you for helping that member, because God knows I do not have the time nor the funds to help,” instead they think of ways to include themselves as a recipient of your generosity.   

    Now here is how this story goes: Cousin Paul and his two siblings say that they are very grateful to Cousin Grace for the help she is giving to their mother. Yet, their gratefulness is only executed by way of lip service, because their actions say otherwise. It is not that Grace is expecting or asking them to show their gratefulness in actions. She is tired of them acting like her generosity towards their mother is an implied contract for the family to use her for their personal financial responsibilities. Every month they are asking Grace for money.

    Paul is always asking Grace to pay for the repairs of his car, which happens to break down monthly.  Paul’s sister Betty is constantly asking Grace to buy her kids school shoes or for money to get her husband’s work clothes out the cleaners. Paul and Betty oldest brother Junior is always running out of cigarette money. Every time Grace says yes to one request it is follow with the same or a different financial request the next month.

    After years of helping our aunt and her kids financially, Grace finally put her thinking cap on and begin to see that our cousins were taking advantage of the generosity she freely gives to their mother, our aunt.  However, instead of verbally saying no to our cousins, Grace decided she would usher our cousins’ request for help in the direction of another family member (Me). So, when Paul asked Grace if she could cosign for him a new car. She tells Paul to call Cousin Rose for assistance. Yes, you heard me right. She tells Paul to call me, like I am the bank of fools. This dude calls me like he had been given a guaranteed certificate of deposit, that had reached its full term, and he was ready to cash it in, from the bank of fools, in hope of purchasing a new car. Here is what gets me, I never received a call from Grace informing me about the conversation she had with Paul or her decision to rescind the financial help she graciously gave to our aunt and cousins or to give me a heads up that she had implied that I would help them. Instead, she had butthead (Paul) give me a call; and he had the nerve to talk to me like I stole his money, after I tell him that I am not cosigning or giving any money towards a new car for him. Let me tell you, I thank God for the new me. I was so proud of myself for not cussing when he became irate and cussed at me; instead, I blocked his number. Paul had the nerve to call my oldest son to tell him that I had blocked his number and that I was reneging on cosigning on the purchase of a new car for him.

    Instead of my son calling me to find out the truth, he calls me to complaint about me promising to cosign for Paul, when he, per his words, is the one who needs a new car for work.  When I tell my son that I did not promise to cosign for Paul, my son asked me if I could cosign for him a new car or if he could borrow ten thousand from me to purchase a small economy car for fourteen thousand. My son says that he is tired of him and his wife having to share the minivan.

    My son further tells me that he has five thousand in his saving account and that he has a lot of money invested in Bit coins therefore he would be able to pay me back with interest once the Bit coins pay off. Now this is the same son that I help years ago by cosigning for his first car. He did well in paying back his car loan for the first three years of his four-year contract. However, that fourth year was on me. To keep my credit in good standing, I had to pay my son car note, insurance and a thousand dollars in delinquent tickets to register the car. My son promised to pay me back once he got back on his feet. Ask me did I get my money back; of course Not.

    Now my son is willing to give me a promissory note of repayment. I think I am going to send my son to Cousin Grace for a loan. He can give her a promissory note. One good diversion deserves another. Grace, he’s coming your way.   

    https://thebookoflife.site