Relationship Connections

It is said that we marry a person family when we marry the person. Why do we?

October 7, 2026

Should this rule only apply to a person who has a minor child?

Let’s talk about it…

Karen and Joe were dating for three years when Joe asked her to marry him. Karen does not have any kids of her own. However, Karen was fully aware that Joe was a male hoer when she met him. He had eight kids and six baby mamas and was tiptoeing in and out of well-known professional women beds in the dark. We all know; what you do in the dark, comes out in the light. The women that were sexing with Joe wanted to remain anonymous because of their profession. They did not care about the other women Joe was seeing in addition to them. He was their boy toy. They all liked what he did with his tongue. He was not marriage material in their eyes. When Karen met Joe, she had just moved to town because of her new job as an attorney. The radio station where Joe works is down the street from the law office where Karen works. They met by accidentally bumping each other in passing at a diner, near their jobs, during their lunch hour. Joe took one look at Karen’s big butt and instantly turned on the southern charm he used to catch all the other professional women in his life. She was mesmerized by Joe’s charm and his dreamy eyes. He spoke in his sensual tone with her. They sat at the same table for lunch. After their lunch hour was up, they exchanged contact information. The two begin to date shortly after meeting each other. Because Karen found herself falling fast for Joe; she did a back ground check on him. His professional credentials checked out okay. He did not have any criminal history. She did see he had been before a judge on several occasions due to back child support he owed to each of his children’s moms. In the background check, several women were listed as possible relatives or associates. Karen discovered as she investigated, that Joe lived with many of the women listed as possible relatives for a short period of time. This is why his name was connected to their addresses. It appeared that Joe was moving from one woman home to another every six months. Karen was initially puzzle, but after putting two and two together, she realized he was financially stricken with child support and trying to keep his newly open bar afloat.

Joe knew that Karen was a different kind of woman. He felt she was his opportunity to start fresh with someone who did not know his past. He was ready to settle down with one woman. As an attorney, Karen understands that everyone has done something in their past that they are not proud of and would like to keep it private. Therefore, she decided to keep what she found out about Joe’s past to herself until he proposed to her. After saying yes to marrying Joe, Karen decided to come clean with Joe, letting him know that she was fully aware of his past. She informed Joe that according to her upbringing, he would need to meet her immediate family and confess his past sins to them as well as give an account to them as to how he has changed and what he is doing to never return to his sinful ways. Joe is having an issue with Karen’s request to talk with her family about what she labels as his past sins; after all, they both are in their forties. Joe tried to reason with Karen by saying, “why do I need to confess what you classify as past sins to your family. My kids were not conceived out of sin; they were conceived out of love; besides, I am marrying you, not your family.” Joe was no match for the fast-talking attorney. By the time she was finish with him, he found himself at church pleading with the pastor of the church to forgive him for his sins. The pastor tells Joe, I think you are looking for the church down the street. The one with the big bell on top that rings every Sunday at noon. We do not have a confusion booth here. According to our doctrine, God is the only one you need to confuse your sins to and ask forgiveness. After talking to the pastor about his dilemma with his fiancé; the pastor agreed to counsel them both. Karen agreed to counsel with Joe’s pastor only because the doctrine of his church was very similar to the doctrine of her home town church she attended with her family as a child. Although counseling was going well, the pastor nor Joe could persuade Karen to change her mind on Joe having to confess his sins to her family.

Karen’s parents and brother flew in town to meet Joe. After dinner, everyone went to Karen and Joe’s home. Yes, you heard me correctly. Joe and Karen were living together. Karen’s mother begins to speak on how important it is for their family doctrine to be passed down from one generation to the other. All though Joe was confused, he answered each one questions about his so call past sins; also, he gave an explanation in how he has changed from his sinful ways. Each family member gave their blessing for Karen to marry Joe; due to his sincere promise to change from his sinful ways. Before going back to their hotel room each family member expressed to Joe, because of Karen he has a commitment to each of them as well, and that they will not tolerate any disorderly conduct especially extra marital affairs. Joe was scared straight after Karen’s six feet; seven inches 285 pounds of lean muscle father and brother finish speaking. He agreed to their principles. In between the time Joe and Karen got engaged to the time they were marry; Joe had sex with two of his ex-girlfriends. Joe knew he had to tell Karen because a baby was on its way. One of the exes was pregnant. Joe decided to break the news in a counseling session with the pastor. Karen was heartbroken; her and Joe broke up for three months. Joe had moved into a back room in his club for the three months him and Karen were separated. Karen was missing Joe. She went to him and made him swear that he would not cheap on her again. Joe agreed. Four months after returning home, Joe and Karen got married. Karen family did not attend the wedding. After returning from their honey moon, Karen tells Joe that he has to inform her family of his sins since a baby was involved. When Joe refused to talk with her family, she became irate and begin to yell at him. She tells him you broke your commitment to my mother, my father, and my brother and you are going to hold yourself accountable to them by confusing your sins. They need to hear it from you, not me states Karen. Joe asked Karen, why do I need to confess to your family as your husband; we are married. You and I have worked through this. It will never happen again, so why do I need to talk to your family. Karen tells Joe, because I don’t want them to ride up on you after they read about it on social media. Joe did not agree and tried his best to avoid having to discuss it.

Joe’s mother became ill. He begins to spent time with his mom. Karen became irate again, yelling as she tells him that he was using his mother’s sickness as an excuse to not talk to her family. Karen secretly flies her mother and brother in town. She tells Joe to meet them at the restaurant. Joe text Karen saying that he couldn’t make it because he was with his mother at the doctor’s office. Because Karen’s mother and brother were scheduled to fly back home the next morning, she brings them to her home to wait on Joe to get home. Shortly after arriving home, she realized Joe was hiding in their bedroom with the door closed. Karen made him come out the bedroom to talk with her family. After Joe confirming what Karen told her family at dinner regarding Joe’s sins, he expressed how sorry he was and that nothing like this would ever happen again. He explained that what happen was when him and Karen were on a break before they got marry. The mother expressed her disappointment in Joe. She let him know this type of behavior was not tolerated in their family and she hope he put fore actions in place to never let this type of shame come upon their family ever again. Karen kept apologizing to her mother for Joe’s actions. Karen looked like a scare little girl who had disappointed her mother beyond repair as she kept apologizing. Karen’s brother straight up tells Joe, if something like this happens again, I will come back in town to get my sister and handle the situation. Then he asked Joe, do you understand? At this moment, Joe begins to look like a little boy who parents has just spank his butt for misbehaving. Joe nobs his head as he says, yes, I understand. It’s obvious that Joe loves his wife Karen beyond words in order to accept her family’s personal doctrine as his owns especially when their personal doctrine appears to be one sided.

The weird thing about Karen’s family personal doctrine; as church goers it contradicts the word of God. In Genesis 2:23-24; after God created a helpmeet for Adam; “Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh.” Also, in Ephesians 5; it is written that wives are to submit themselves unto their own husband and husband are to love their wives as Christ also loved the church; in verse 31 of chapter 5 “it is written; For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife and they two shall be one flesh.” It looks to me that Joe has become one flesh with Karen, her mother, her father, and her brother. I cannot argue against how they choose to live their lives as a marry couple. However personally, I do not think parents and siblings should be this involved in the marriage of their family member. It’s one thing to support a married family member through a difficult time in the marriage versus totally controlling the principles of their marriage. To each its own; we live and we learn. What do you think? Answer this question for yourself. Do we marry a person family when we marry the person?

https://bookofrelationship.com
Why do some people believe their mate or partner is their property?

September 30, 2026

Which in-turn causes them to believe they have the right to possess and control their mate.

Let’s talk about it…

It is common for people to label their property by putting a logo or name or both on it. People who label their property want others to know they hold ownership. Therefore, anyone other than the owner, who is in possession of the property without consent from the owner, is violating the law. There are some people, who are in a relationship, see their mate or partner as personal property. They persuade their mates to label their bodies with a tattoo of their name. They call this showing proof of your love and commitment. The person who sees their mate as personal property does not label themselves as someone’s personal property with a tattoo or by other means.

Wake up people, human beings are not property. This is not to say that a person cannot willingly tattoo a name on their body. This is to bring awareness to someone who allows another person to classify them as personal property. In a relationship when someone is classified as personal property their so call owner does not respect them as a human being with free will. Anyone who controls and possess another person as personal property is operating in darkness and they do not comprehend the Light of God. There is not one greater than God, and he does not label or see people as personal property.

A person who wants to control another person as their personal property obviously does not have a personal relationship with God. They might have knowledge of God. They might attend church from time to time; but they are not operating in obedience of righteousness. They are operating in obedience of darkness. What they are inflicting on another person through control is their own hurt and pain and self-reflection. More than likely, a controlling person has open emotional wounds due to past trauma. This trauma could be something they are consciously aware of or has suppressed from their memory. Nevertheless, if the traumatic experience has been suppressed, it does not stop the hurt person from acting out in the same manner as the person who has total recall of their traumatic experience. At the time of experiencing a traumatic situation, the hurt person feels powerless, helpless, hopeless, and less than a person. They feel more like abused property, especially when no one comes to their aid; who has seen it, but ignore it by doing nothing and saying nothing. The traumatic experience teaches the hurt person how to subconsciously give what it received. Therefore, a relationship with God is important. God will open the heart and mind to see one’s authentic self. Sometimes it hurts to see our authentic self. When a person gets to this point, it means their spirit is transitioning from darkness to light. God is our heavenly father; therefore, we are his children. He does not treat us like personal property to possess and control. He gives us free will to think for ourselves and to make decisions and to choose right or wrong. He guides us with love. He disciplines us with love. God’s disciplines in not afflicting a physical pain; he simply allows our corrupt reprobate mind to fall into captivity of like-minded people. When we decide to move from corruption to incorruption, we need to repent to God for our decision to choose corruption. Even if a person believes they did not make a conscious decision to operate in corruption, repentance is still necessary. When one’s voice cries out to God, he will look at the heart of the person crying out; therefore, repentance must come from the heart. God will protect and guide as one move from corruption to incorruption.

To understand the effect of a past traumatic situation that caused a person to operate in their pain; picture this in your mind, you place one rotten fruit in a bowl with many good fruits. The rotten fruit will spread its corruption to each of the good fruits by causing each to become corrupt. So, when a person is treating their mate like personal property; the mate will in-turn treat someone else like personal property. The domino effect will continue until someone cries out to God for help. As previously stated, God will protect and guide as one move from corruption to incorruption. Operating in the light of God’s love, will change one’s mindset and heart; the evidence of this change will show in their fruit. They will produce good fruit that is not only pleasing to the eye but is nourishing for the spirit. Changing one’s mindset and heart will not take away the person’s past traumatic experience; however, it will give the person the power to not be traumatized any longer by the experience. When a person is operating in Godly love, they are operating in the fruit of the spirit, which is love. The fruit of the spirit is best described in Galatians 5:22-23 of the bible: The fruit of the Spirit is Love. Love is described as Joy, Peace, Longsuffering (which means love does not give up so easily), Gentleness, Goodness, Faith, Meekness, and Temperance (which means you learn to control your temper as well as how you speak to a person because words can hurt).

If you are currently involved with a controlling person who treats you like personal property. Confronting the person with anger is not the answer. Confronting a person does not help them to see themselves. The change will come as you work on yourself. You must commit to building a personal relationship with God. Take what I call a Spa hour with God each day. We go to the spa to get pamper, to relax and become one with self. Spend the hour listening to gospel music, reading God’s word, picturing in your mind who God is according to his word, picture him creating you in his likeness, picture all that he created on earth for you to enjoy, picture how he made provision for your sin by sending his only begotten son, Jesus Christ, into the world to become the sacrifice lamb and because of his blood which was shed on the cross, you can stand before God clothed in righteousness through faith. Your heart and mind will begin to change. You will readily see the love of God for you and in your life. Your aura will shine brightly with Godly love. Your countenance will change to light. You will walk in power, confidence, and strength; all the attributes needed to wisely separate yourself from the control that people in darkness imposed upon you as property.

https://bookofrelationship.com
Why are relationships difficult to sustain?

September 23, 2026

Do relationships fail because of one or all the following: ego, notoriety, outside influencers, misunderstanding, lies, deception, lack of respect and love, infidelity, finances, as well as poor communication? If this the case, what does it take to keep a relationship together on one accord in harmony?

Let’s talk about it…

Relationship is the state of being interrelated between participants. Let us look at three scenarios of relationships that has allowed toxicity to cause damage. At the end of these scenarios, let put together the good of each to see what a substantial relationship looks like minus the toxicity.

The first scenario is a relationship among three couples who brought together their resources, knowledge, skills, time, and finances to build a powerful company that showcase their talents with a goal to financially support their families and to build generational wealth. This company comprising of six members was successfully achieving what they had set out to do until one member felt it would be more fluent if they have access to public notoriety. Having public notoriety is a good business move; however, notoriety can become a toxicity when there is no code of conduct establish within the business core values. Personal problems and feelings should never be an influencer in business operations, especially within the public eye. Many successful businesses are not successful because all their heavy hitters or partners always see eye to eye on everything. It’s because the partners keep the goal in mind, and operates within that goal, which is to grow the company. Therefore, if this mean they have to bit their tongues, and grind their teeth in order to conduct business minus any negative personal feelings against one of the partners, that is what they do. Some of the partners in this scenario allowed personal situations to showcase their personal feelings and emotions within the business setting. Not only did they showcase their personal feelings; they publicly air their emotional outburst by including other partners who were publicly free from it. They exposed other partners alleged personal dirty laundry. The moral of this company’s partnership clearly shows that hurt people do not want to hurt alone. This is a clear case of; “if my personal affairs are going to be publicly exposed, so will yours;” partnership or no partnership. Because of the public outburst, this company’s partnership has been severed. The company ownership has decreased from six to only two people.

The second scenario is an intimate relationship among a couple. This couple has been married for five years. The husband is the site manager of a distribution warehouse for a large corporation. The wife owns a small paralegal business that consists of herself and six employees. During the first year of this couple marriage, the husband would open the doors for his wife. Carry heavy items from her car into the house, take his wife on a date every weekend, ask her opinion on important issues; actively listens to her viewpoint, cover 75 percent of the household expenses, as well as take her car for service. After the first year of marriage, the husband reduces his coverage of the household expenses to 50 percent. He stops opening doors for his wife. He stops taking her on a date. He stops carry heavy items for her; in fact, he would sit and watch her carry heavy items without offering to help. She was no longer allowed to share her opinion on important issues, and he no longer value her viewpoint on anything. If she had a flat tire, she had to call triple A. She had to take her car for service each year because the husband always claims to be busy. Although the wife worked a full-time job, she was still responsible for preparing meals for her husband, cleaning the entire house, washing his clothes, and picking up his dry cleaning. He would talk to her in a derogatory way in public. The wife would watch her husband run to the aid of the single women in their neighbor to assist them in carrying items; opening doors for them, as well as put their trash can on the curve each week on trash day. The husband’s ego grew larger than his height, so did his jealousy of his wife success in business, which caused his wife to file for divorce after 5 years of marriage.

The third scenario is a relationship between best friends. These two individuals have been friends for ten years. They would hang out together on the weekends. They would occasionally go on double dates. They would discuss and confide in each other about every aspect of their life. They would support and encourage each other. After one friend mate broke her heart; she became withdrawn from her best friend, who was actively in a happy relationship with her mate. The friend who heart was broken would point out flaws in her best friend. She would say after pointing out her friend’s imperfections; why do your mate keep allowing you to walk in error? Then she would say, maybe your mate doesn’t say anything because he is cheating on you therefore, he doesn’t care. The friend who heart was broken was constantly making judgmental statements to her friend of ten years. This caused a wedge between the two friends which eventually lead to them going their separate way and never talking to each other again.

From these three scenarios, we could clearly see that; ego, outside influencers, misunderstanding, poor communication, lack of respect and love, lack of self-discipline, lack of commitment, being deceitful, lying to self as well as to others, jealousy, not wanting to see a partner or friend grow beyond their threshold, afflicting one’s pain on another, are all contributors towards the demise of these relationships. How do we change this narrative? We start with looking beyond the representative of the person or people we are forming a relationship with. We do this because the representative will always mesmerize us with an illusion of who it represents. Then we end up building hope base on the illusion. Therefore, when the real person shows up without their representative, we feel betrayed. This betrayal causes us to match the energy of the real person, which in-turns causes conflict and separation. By looking beyond, the representative, it allows us to accept, this is the now; however, we understand it could change. Nevertheless, if it changes, I am committed to the goal because what I brought to the table is my authentic self, who refuses to allow emotions to alter the initial course of action.

When you bring your authentic self and commit to the goal or purpose in being presence in the relationship or partnership by standing ten toes strong in your truth regardless of how the others in the relationship or partnership change from their representative to someone you do not know. You will continue to blossom and be successful, with or without the pain from the ending of the partnership. The counterfeiters will fall by the waste side; yet it will not stop you from prospering as long as your mind stays on your goal or purpose and not on the loss. The truth will always set you free, and you will be cover by The Light of Truth. Be strong and be of good courage. Never allow a counterfeiter to still your joy. The power of your true self is greater than the deception of the representative.

https://bookofrelationship.com
As a person of faith, why can’t I counsel with a psychologist?

September 16, 2026

Big Mama always said people of faith do not need to counsel with a psychologist; all they need is Jesus. Big Mama said, according to the preacher, if you go see a psychologist; you do not have faith. Where in the bible does it confirm what Big Mama said?

Let’s talk about it…

Many people of color were raised believing the myth mental disorders are of the devil; therefore, a person with a mental disorder needs Jesus not a psychologist or psychiatrist. Let’s look at how Destiny’s mother Keisha handles her daughter mental disorder.

As a child, Destiny would wake up screaming and crying for her father. Her father died in a car accident when she was eight years of age. Destiny did not officially meet her father until she was seven years of age. Prior to meeting him in person, she would hear her father’s voice shouting hurry up, after he pulls into the driveway honking his horn for her older brother Junior to come out the house. Each time her dad would pick up her brother, she would ask her mother the same questions. Why doesn’t daddy let me go with him and Junior? Why doesn’t daddy come into the house to say hi to me or see me? Destiny’s mom would always say the same thing. She would say, “because your father doesn’t know how to handle being a father to a girl child. He is afraid that he might say or do something to cause you to dislike him as a father. He feels a mother should spend time with her daughter. The explanation Destiny’s mom gave did nothing to help her with feeling sad or angry as well as alone. Destiny did not like playing outside; because, she did not have any friends. Mainly, because she would not socialize with the other kids at school.

Junior’s tenth birthday was coming in a month. He normally has a small party at home and a larger party at his dad’s house where most of his friends lived. Destiny never attends the party at their dad’s house. One day, after returning home from his dad’s house, Junior was upset. “What is wrong son, asked his mother?” “Dad has to go out of town on business the day after my birthday. He will be away for a month. I will not be able to have a birthday party at his house.” “Don’t be upset son, you can invite your friends to come here. We will celebrate with a huge party on the day of your birthday. We will have the party in the backyard to accommodate the extra kids.” Junior returned to his normal happy self after hearing all his friends could come to the house where he lives with his mom and sister. Destiny asked her mother, does this mean I can attend Junior’s party. Yes honey, you can attend your brother’s party.

Keisha hires her cousin, who is a party planner to setup the backyard for Junior’s tenth birthday party. Keisha was happy that both her kids could celebrate together with friends instead of the small intimate family party they normally had at her home. She asked Junior to invite his entire class including the girls. Also, Keisha invited family and friends she knew that had sons and daughters. She wanted this day to be special for both her kids. Keisha was grateful she has a large backyard, because all fifty kids invited RSVP to attend the party.

Keisha and her ex-husband, the kids’ father, separated when she was pregnant with Destiny. Her ex-husband put her out of their family home because he did not want her to have another child and she refused to terminate the pregnancy. She gave birth to their daughter without the father being present. Her ex-husband questions the paternity of the child she was carrying. The ex-husband only took a DNA test because it was court ordered to finalize the child support orders. Although, the test came back showing that Destiny and Junior have the same father, Keisha’s ex-husband refused to see his daughter or have a relationship with her. He would only pick up his son for weekend visits without coming into his ex-wife’s house.

As the ex-husband frantically prepared to leave town for his business trip, at the last minute, he rushed out the day of his son’s birthday to purchase him a gift. He decided to drop off the gift before heading home to finish packing. He totally forgotten it’s a possibility his daughter would be present at her brother’s party. He was so use to the party being at his home where the daughter was not allowed to come. As the father goes through the side gate to the backyard to drop off the gift, he noticed his son was running to him shouting “dad, you came.” When Destiny hears her brother shouts “dad”; she turns to look in the direction where he was running. She sees him approaching a man she never met before in her life. She run towards them both. As her brother was hugging their dad, Destiny stood there looking at them. As the ex-husband hugs his son, he looks down at this beautiful little girl who looked like his mother’s twin. He stares at her until tears begin to run out his eyes. He kissed his son on the cheek, wished him a happy birthday then goes towards Destiny and continued to stared at her in silence. “Hi dad, said Destiny in a low soft voice.” “You are beautiful replied her dad. You look like my mother; your grandmother.” Destiny’s dad picks her up and weep in front of all who noticed. He couldn’t stop crying. He asked her how old was she. She tells him, “I will be eight years old in three months.” He promised to celebrate her birthday with her.

Destiny’s father kept his promise. He begins to spend time with both kids. He gave Destiny her fairytale birthday party at his home on her eighth birthday. Five months after Destiny’s eighth birthday party, her father was killed in a car accident. Although both kids were extremely traumatized and hurt, Destiny was diagnosed as having signs of depression by her doctor and the school counselor. She was totally withdrawal and had to be home schooled. The pediatrician gives Keisha a referral to take Destiny to a psychologist. Because her behavioral wasn’t aggressive the doctor felt talking to psychologist instead of a psychiatrist would better suit Destiny. Keisha was trouble in her spirit. She did not believe in psychologist. Being raised by both, her parents and grandparents who instilled the principles of faith and trusting in Jesus. She was taught mental disorders are of the devil and only Jesus through one’s faith can deliver someone from a mental disorder.

Keisha would fast every weekend and pray every day for over a year for Destiny healing before meeting Janice at a church convention. The two sat next to each other and would talk with each other during the breaks in between each session at the convention. Keisha begins to confide in Janice about her daughter mental disorder. After telling Janice her reason for not allowing Destiny to counsel with a psychologist, Janice looked at Keisha with a puzzle look. “Talk to me, states Keisha to Janice. Your look is saying a lot; however, I do not hear any words coming from your mouth. Please tell me what you are thinking.” Janice says to Keisha, tell me this; how long have you been attending church? All my life replied Keisha. Janice then asked, do you have a personal relationship with God?” “By reading and meditating on his word; replied Keisha.” Have you ever asked God to gift you with wisdom through his holy spirit. “Well states Keisha, I read my bible but not as often as I should. I mainly go by what is preached in church.” Keisha, I encourage you to read the bible so that you have a personal relationship or understanding of God’s word. It’s okay to seek clarity of God’s word with a Sunday school church leader or the preacher regarding what you have read in the bible. It is a possibility, what your Big Mama heard the preacher say might have been misunderstood by her. When you are confused by what someone tells you; asked them to show you in the bible. What God deposit in your spirit regarding a scripture may have a totally different meaning for someone else; nevertheless, both meanings can be within the scope of who God is; that is what matters. Keisha, I have been counseling with a psychologist for nearly two years. I went through a very traumatic event in my life; very similar to your daughter Destiny. My mother helped me find a Christian psychologist who counsel using Godly principles. My counselor has been a blessing in my life. Please take my number and if you choose to seek a psychologist for Destiny, I will be more than happy to share with you the name of my psychologist. I see it this way, a psychologist as well as a psychiatrist are doctors. We go to doctors for other ailments why not for mental disorders. I think some people get demon or devil possessed confused a mental disorder without taking into account that mental disorders are usually due to horrific or traumatic events in one’s life. In the Gospel according to Matthew of the bible, Matthew talks about Jesus’ healing people who was possessed with a devil by casting the devil out of the person. A person who is not using Godly wisdom can easily interpret these scriptures to mean all mental disorders are due to devil possession. Let God guide you in all understanding.

Keisha was happy she met Janice at the church convention. Keisha begins to read her bible more and pray for wisdom. She was baptized with the holy spirit and soon thereafter begin to hear the voice of God speak into her spirit. She allowed her daughter to counsel with the same Christian psychologist as Janice. Within six months of counseling, Destiny begins to socialize and invite friends over to her house. She was able to return to school. Keisha sometimes stares at her daughter in awe. She is so grateful to God for guiding her to the right place and people who was able to speak with wisdom into her life. To God be the Glory.

https://bookofrelationship.com
Believing Without Doubt

September 9, 2026

How do one continued to believe without doubt when one’s patience is constantly tested and faith is constantly challenge?

Let’s talk about it…

In Hebrews 11:1 of the bible, faith is defined as “the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Faith is defined in two parts. The first part is pertaining to the essential value; the usefulness or the fundamental importance of a thing hopes for. Of course, the thing hoped for has not manifested or materialized yet in the individual life; nevertheless, to the individual it has value. The second part is pertaining to the obtainment; the manifestation; the materialization or the fulfillment of the thing hoped for through the evidence of proof; witness; sight; truth or touch. Hope is the fundamental core of faith. When one’s confidence in what they desire; anticipate; and expect dissipate so does their faith; their belief; and their hope.

The bible tells us in 1 Peter 5:8; to be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary; the devil as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. You might wonder what does this have to do with faith; the dots will connect in a minute. Also, the bible tells us in John 10:10; that the thief, who is the devil, come to steal, kill, and destroy. In other words, the devil walketh about seeking to steal your blessings by killing your dreams and desires and destroying your faith. He will use you as your own worst enemy. Think about it, one day you are full of faith because you know your prayer was heard by God; after all you prayed a fervent prayer. For this reason, you are expecting God to answer your prayer soon. You tell yourself, my prayer definitely met God’s requirement; because, the bible declares you only need the faith as a grain of mustard seed, and I prayed with more faith than a grain of a mustard seed. Now, after a few days turns into a few weeks of still waiting on God to answer your pray, here comes the devil. He has you right where he wants you; so that it’s easy for him to steal your blessing by killing your dream and destroying your faith. The devil begins to whisper into your spirit; he tells you that God is not going to answer your prayer because of some things you did in your past that wasn’t pleasing to Him. The devil begins to show you glimpses of your childhood when you were disobedient and defiant to your parents and to elders. He shows you how you cursed out your co-worker last week just because you were having a bad day. Your hope begins to dissipate and is replaced with doubtful thoughts. You begin to question within your mind; have God not forgive me for what I did as a child; or did he not forgive me for cursing my co-worker out last week; maybe, this is why he hasn’t answered my prayer. This is how the devil uses us to be our own worse enemy. He whispers into our spirit and cause us to believe in the thoughts he put in mind are our own thoughts and the reasons why God has not answered our prayer. For some reason, when the devil comes and causes us to believe these thoughts that is totally contrary to who God is and his word, we seem to hold on for years to what the devil has whisper into our spirit. We do not realize by doing this, we are executing belief in what the devil has deposit into our spirit above the word of God. Why do we do this? Good question. We do it because the devil uses something we are familiar with. He uses actual past events or situations in our life that is real and tangible; therefore, it is more easily believed. We don’t need faith to believe in a past tense experience we previously lived. And because it is something that we have previously experience, the guilt of our action within that experience holds us in contempt, making is difficult for us to forgive ourselves. The devil makes us believe that the unforgiveness that we have for self is how God feel about us and the reason for him not answering our prayer. This is why the bible tells us in 1 Peter 5:8; to be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary; the devil as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.

In order to change our mindset from what the devil has whisper into our spirit; we must first repent for believing the influence of the devil over the word of God. Next, we must go back to the word of God to help us obtain faith. In Roman 10:17; the bible declares “Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.” This is why we must guard our hearing by anything other than the word of God. When someone wants to deposit something negative into your spirit by way of hearing; rebuke it. You don’t have to shout in a defensive matter to the person “I rebuke what you are saying”. You simply need to say, within your mind, as they are speaking; I rebuke you. Then you change the subject to something more pleasing. That person may not be aware that the adversary is using them. When you rebuke, in your mind, what you are hearing, something might quicken in that person spirit letting them know they are in error; hopefully, causing them to repent in private. Okay, back to sustaining faith. As previously stated, the bible teaches us faith come by hearing and hearing by the word of God. Also, the bible teaches us in Matthew 17:20; “If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed nothing shall be impossible to you.” Let’s briefly recap before concluding. We know that faith comes by hearing. We know the measurement of faith needed to see the impossible possible; and we know, how faith is defined in the bible. Also, we have learned that as soon as we execute faith, the adversary comes to kill, steal, and destroy our faith by using negative past life experiences. Therefore, because faith is about believing in something occurring in the future that has not yet occurred, we must meditate on God’s word and on biblical or current life experiences that has manifested because of one’s faith. One of my favorite biblical stories on faith is found in Matthew 9:20-22; as well as in Mark 5:25-34; it’s about a woman who was diseased with an issue of blood for twelve years. She pushed her way through a crowd of people to reach Jesus. She thought to herself, if I can just touch the hem of his garment, I will be made whole. She believed this in her heart without compromise. There was no doubt in her spirit for the devil to use against her belief of being made whole. It’s a possibility the reason why she was diseased for twelve years is because she allowed the devil to whisper into her spirit when she first became diseased. When a person is sick and tire of being sick and tire; they do not have room for the devil. When the woman finally reached Jesus and touched his garment; Jesus immediately felt something move out of him spiritually to someone else. He felt the sincerity of this person’s faith. The woman’s faith caused him to turn around as he was walking to ask “Who touched my clothes?” As he turns looking into the crowd of people to see the person that touched him; he laid eyes on her. She begins to tremble with fear after hearing him say “who touch my clothes?” She fell on her knees in his presence. Jesus was not angry with the woman touching him. He looks at her then say “woman your faith has made you whole; go in peace. The woman issue with blood was dried up immediately after touching Jesus’ garment prior to him asking “who touched my clothing?” When we pray, let’s all vow to counter the attached of the adversary by rebuking him in our spirit, mind, and thoughts; especially when our prayers aren’t answer within the time period we set in our minds. Some prayers are answered immediately and some take time; nevertheless, God is true to his word. He is a God that cannot lie. If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed nothing shall be impossible to you. Be blessed and at peace.

https://bookofrelationship.com
I can’t stand the rain against my window bringing back sweet memories.

September 2, 2026

Let’s talk about it…

“It’s Friday night, I do not have to get up early tomorrow; so, what is this girl to do?” “Mom, are you talking to yourself again asked Barbie, Ruthie’s daughter.” “I can always count on me to reply with wisdom. So, why not talk to myself?” replied Ruthie. Barbie giggle as she kissed her mother on the cheek. “I’m going out with the girls to celebrate a co-worker’s birthday. Don’t wait up. I will see you in the morning” shouts Barbie as she dashes for the door. “Another Friday evening alone,” states Ruthie as she thinks out loud. “I might as well pour myself a glass of wine as I watch the ten o’clock news to see what’s going on in the world.” Forty-five minutes into the news, Ruthie can hear thunder. The weather man did not say it was going to thunder only rain, thought Ruthie. Ruthie turns off the TV, pour another glass of wine as she heads to her bedroom. As Ruthie lays in bed, staring out the window at the rain hitting the window pane, she reminisces about at time in her life when love was so sweet yet complicated. Ruthie thoughts were like looking at an old movie. She recalls in her mind the first time she met Billy.

Approximately thirty years ago, at the age of twenty-five, Ruthie was working her normal evening shift, at the community hospital, as a nurse assigned to the maturity ward. Her shift scheduled was from 3:00pm to 12 midnight. She was often asked to work an additional four hours because the hospital was short staff working the graveyard shift. During her breaks, Ruthie would often run into Dr. William Black who worked in the ER. Doctor Black would always compliment Ruthie each time he ran into her in the break room. He would tell her; she has beautiful eyes; or beautiful thick hair; or big beautiful legs; or how he loves her hour glass shape. After nearly a year of receiving compliments from Dr. Black, Ruthie would light up with a Hugh Kool-Aid smile each time she would see him approaching her. “Well, Well, Well, nurse Ruthie, so you are capable of smiling” states Dr. Black as he approached her. “Yes doctor, I am.” “You have a beautiful smile, Ruthie; I hope the next time I see you; your smile is still shining bright. It warms my heart.” We will see; states Ruthie as she heads back to work. The next day at work, Dr. Black hand Ruthie a card with his private cell phone number written on the back. He tells her to text him her phone number and the best time to call her. He expressed his interest in getting to know her better. Ruthie did as Dr. Black asked. Ruthie had noted in her text, the best time to contact her by phone is on Sunday’s and Monday’s, her off days. Dr. Black was thrilled to see Ruthie has the same off days as him. Dr. Black called Ruthie on Sunday around 4:00pm. They talked for an hour before Dr. Black asked Ruthie to have dinner with him. He offers to pick her up at 6:30 pm. After hanging up the phone, Ruthie start preparing for her date with Dr. Black. Dr. Black arrives five minutes early. Ruthie asked him to have a seat as she heads upstairs to get her purse and keys.

At dinner, Dr. Black asked Ruthie to call him Billy. He expressed to her; all his family and friends call him Billy. “I am happy to be included in the same category as family and friends,” states Ruthie with a smile. “If things continued to go as well as tonight’s dinner, you will be placed in an interpersonal category where we are the only members; replied Billy. Ruthie giggle as she whispers, “I will like that.” Because Billy has a heavy accent when he talks, Ruthie asked him his nationality. “I am Bahamian. I was born and raised in the Bahamas. I came to New York at the age of twenty-three to attend medical school. I am in my third year of residency. My plan is to open my own practice and move my family here from the Bahamas after I have completed the five-year residency requirement.” “Do you ever go back home to visit? Asked Ruthie.” “Yes, I return home every six months for a week. My family is very patience. They are excited about our future here once I completed the residency.” Ruthie was happy for Billy and his family. She assumed his family consist of his parents and younger siblings since he is the oldest child. She never thought to ask him if he was married because he came to New York at the age of twenty-three and is was only twenty-six years of age at the time of their first dinner together.

Ruthie and Billy spend every Sunday and the first half of the day together on Mondays for the next two years. Billy was a very passionate lover. He made sure she was well pleased. She especially loved making love to him on rainy days. The rain sound like sweet harmonies of music playing in the back ground. Ruthie and Billy would lay in bed together staring out the window at the rain after they finish making love. Ruthie felt she was the luckiest girl in the world. She had a smart young doctor her age whom she felt loves her and she loved him. He was always with her on their off days from work. He catered to her every need. He always complimented her. Although they did not discuss it; Ruthie felt in her heart that Billy will ask her to marry him after he completes his residency. She would picture herself working in his private practice as the head nurse in charge. Ruthie found out she was two months pregnant shortly after Billy completed his residency. She was going to surprise Billy with the information as they discuss their future at dinner. Instead of them having their normal Sunday dinner out at a restaurant, she invited him over to her house for dinner. She found a restaurant that specialize in Caribbean food. She made sure all of Billy’s favorite dishes was catered. Billy started the conversation at dinner. He first honors her for the food and the meal choices she made. Next, he tells her how he had saved enough money to buy a house and to move his family from the Bahamas. Also, him and his family could live comfortable for six months as he establishes his own practice. Ruthie was grinning from ear to ear as Billy talked. As Billy states, he will be moving to Houston in two days to find one large house or two medium-size houses on the same lot to accommodate the size of his family. He thanks Ruthie for helping him get through a very lonely time in his life. He wished her well in her future endeavors. Wait shouts Ruthie, I’m not included in your family. “I cannot have a wife and a concubine live together in one house. My wife wouldn’t have it.” “Wife! Shouts Ruthie.” Yes, I am married states Billy with a confused look on his face. I didn’t know you were married shouts Ruthie. “I’m sure we discussed my family dynamics throughout the course of our relationship.” No, we did not. You made it appeared that you were speaking of your parents and siblings; shouts Ruthie. “Did I make it appeared that way or did you assume it was that way? Asked Billy. Ruthie was speechless, she asked Billy to leave her home. She cried herself to sleep that night. She never told him she was pregnant with their child. As she lay in her bed nearly twenty-five years later listening to the rain hit her window pane, she is wondering if she made a mistake not telling him about their daughter, and for lying to her daughter about her father dying before she was born.

https://bookofrelationship.com
The Ultimate Betrayal; kissed by a wolf in sheep clothing.

August 26, 2026

Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss. Do we really know people who is close to us?

Let’s talk about it…

Many times, standing on the outside looking in at someone else’s life; it’s easy to recognize when they have a wolf in sheep clothing around them. The wolf can be a close friend or a family member. The wolf projects a persona of always having the back of the person they are around or deceiving. They gain the trust of this person by always agreeing with them, liking what that person likes, as well as hanging out with the person and offering their support. The wolf takes brown nosing to a whole new level when it comes to the person they are deceiving. The wolf is a person who does not like themselves: they have self-esteem issues; therefore, they cling to this person they are deceiving, because they want to emanate that person’s life. They admire everything about that person who is being deceived by them. The wolf wants this person’s life, they admire, to be their reality. They being to talk like the person, act like the person, dress like the person, have the same interest of the person, socialize among the same group of people as the person. When someone within the deceived person social circle doesn’t like the wolf; the wolf tried to discredit that person’s character by talking negative about them to the person they are deceiving. The wolf becomes extremely angry and revengeful towards the person they are trying to discredit when the person they are deceiving continued to be that person friend or appear to be that person’s friend. It is at this point that the wolf shows red flags to the person they are deceiving. The wolf begins to show signs of being controlling and expressing anger when they do not get their way or persuade the thoughts of the person they are deceiving. The deceived person who the wolf admires thoughts change towards the wolf as one in a love/hate relationship. This person must be careful at this point because, the wolf’s obsession with them can become volatile. This is because the wolf fails at controlling or persuading the thoughts the person they are deceiving. When the wolf gets to this level of anger; they will disrobe their sheep clothing; exposing a very dark side to them, very much in the same manner as Judas did to Jesus.

As it is written in the bible, Jesus selected twelve disciples to assist in spreading the doctrine of faith and repentance. Jesus gave his disciples power against unclean spirits, to cast them out of people and to heal all manner of sickness and all manner of disease. The names of the twelve apostles are Simon 1, who is called Peter; Simon 2, who is a Canaanite; Andrew and John his brothers; James 1 and James 2; Philip; Bartholomew, Thomas; Matthew; Lebbaeus and Judas. These twelve apostles were sent on a mission to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. They were to preach letting the lost sheep know the kingdom of heaven is at hand. They were to heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils by using the power Jesus freely gave to them so that they may freely give to others by way of healing them. Jesus tells his disciples as they go and preach to be wise as serpents, and harmless as doves. The focus of this story is going to be on the disciple Judas. Unlike us humans who see the red flags but have trouble discerning them. Jesus, being the son of God, who is both humanity and of the spirit of God, knows that Judas is a wolf in sheep clothing; because Jesus knows Judas has allowed darkness to clothed itself inside of him. Jesus tells them all, that one of them will betray him. They were exceeding sorrowful. Each asked him; Lord is it I? The disciples could not discern the red flags or the devil among them because it was dressed in sheep clothing. They were too busy looking at the outer appearance when it came to those who was closes to them. Keep in mind, when Jesus selected them as a disciple, he gave to them all, power to heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, and cast out devils. Yet, there was a devil among them that only Jesus could discern.

The disciples knew that the chief priests, the scribes and the elders of the people unto the palace of the high priest had plotted to come together to take Jesus and kill him. Judas being with the spirit of the devil in him went to the chief priests and said unto them “what will you give me if I deliver him to you?” The chief priests made an agreement with Judas to give him thirty pieces of silver. Judas has made this agreement with the chief priests prior to Jesus telling them all that one of them will betray him. It is written in the bible after Jesus tell them all, that one of them will betray him; they were exceeding sorrowful, and asked Jesus “Lord is it I”. Which tells me the devil wrapped himself in Judas only when it was convenient for him. It is written in the bible; if we resist the devil he will flee. The devil knew Judas’ weakness and his weakness would cause him to be acceptable to him, because he wouldn’t be strong enough to resist him. Judas greed for money (thirty pieces of silver) caused him to be acceptable to the devil. Money was his weakness. Judas led the chief priests to Jesus with a sign saying, “Whomsoever that I shall kiss is he”. Judas let the chief priests know, once I kiss him; hold him (Jesus) fast. After the devil removed himself from Judas immediately after betraying Jesus, Judas suddenly realized he was condemned. He could see that the devil left him hanging to face the raft of betraying Jesus. In correcting his wrong, Judas repented for his sinful actions. He tried to undo what he had did by taking the thirty pieces of silver back to the chief priests; telling them that he had sinned in betraying innocent blood. The chief priests tell Judas, what is it to us that you have sinned; we don’t care, that’s on you. Judas was so distraught to what he had done, he tossed the silver pieces on the floor of the temple before hanging himself.

For us who is standing on the outside observing someone else’s life; and easily recognizing a wolf in sheep clothing influencing a person through deceptional controlling of their mind. It doesn’t matter if the wolf is a close friend or a family member; we need to rebuke the actions of the wolf in prayer and pray for wisdom and discernment of the person who is being deceived. Also, we need to watch by being vigilant of the people we associate with. Make sure your decisions and actions are not being influence by darkness in the same manner as Judas. When a person sows good, they also reap good. When a person sows evil their so call reward will not bring them joy, in the same way Judas thirty pieces of silver did not bring him joy but sorrow.

https://bookofrelationship.com
In teaching a son to become a man, what is the woman’s role?

August 19, 2026

Because the narrative has changed from one generation to next, it’s apparent that men are no longer teaching their sons how to become a gentleman; therefore, the concept of becoming a man has changed. Because of this narrative changed, mothers are stepping in to teach their sons how to respect and treat a woman.

Let’s talk about it…

Twin sisters Malinda and Belinda give birth to their first child within a month apart. Both give birth to sons. Malinda is the oldest twin by five minutes; her son was born one month before her nephew. Although the twins are married, they are really close. Both live in the same neighbor; approximately one mile in distance. They both work for the same company. Their husbands are happy the twins are each other’s best friend. This is because it prevents the husbands from having to deal with the wife’s girlfriend drama, also known as “the outside noise drama”. Because the husbands enjoy hanging out together, the two families would often take family vacations together. It was no surprise to the husbands when they both found out their wives were pregnant at the same time. They called it “A Twin Thing”. Especially when people ask them was it planned by the twins to be pregnant at the same time. “A Twin Thing” life size poster stood at the entrance of the twins combined gender reveal party. Although it was “A Twin Thing” party, the families were surprised to find out, both were having boys. In the words of the husbands; It’s A Twin Thing”.

When Malinda’s son was three months old; the families had a combined Sip and See party. They invited their closes friends and their families. At the party they played a spin the bottle card game. The guess took turns spinning the bottle on a huge board. The person who spins the bottle had to pull the top card from the deck facing the mouth of the bottle when it stopped. There were several decks of cards going around the board. The spinner had to read out loud the question on the card they pulled. The spinner could answer the question; or pass the question to someone else who wanted to answer the question. A guess pulls a card with the following question: In teaching a son to become a man, what is the woman’s role? This question caused such an uproar, the rules of the game were no longer followed. Everyone had an opinion. The only opinions that matter the most were the fathers of the sons being honor at the Sip and See party. The men shouted in unison over and over again, the old cliché “A woman cannot teach a boy how to become a man”. Malinda and Belinda had to silence everyone so that their husbands could speak.

Belinda’s husband spoke first. He vowed that he will be the only one teaching his son how to become a man; Period! He states that it is not my wife’s responsibility; Period! Malinda’s husband opinion was slightly different. He also vowed to teach his son how to become a man; however, he made a statement about lacking in key components of manhood because of the absence of his father. He stated his wife was very patience with him when they first started dating because he was lacking in the gentleman skills. He said, “I had to learn how to handle my wife in a manner that was different from how I handled my homies.” He wasn’t ashamed to let everyone know, that it was his wife who actually taught him skills in being a gentleman. From the mouth of Malinda’s husband; “my wife taught me to open doors for her; to pull her chair out in the restaurant before she sits; to walk on the side of traffic down the street with her; to carry heavy items for her; to take out the trash; especially when she is the one cleaning the entire house after us both. To make sure her car has gas and the maintenance is up to date; to be mindful of my voice and tone when I had a bad day at work. She should not be the scapegoat to lash out on because of my bad day. She helps me understand I am to give to my queen what she is giving to me; which is respect, peace, joy, and love. My wife taught me how something as simple as clear communications can prevent misunderstandings by jumping to the wrong conclusion based on false perceptions. Let me tell you all this; states Malinda’s husband, these principles I learned from my wife is the primary cause of us having a loving, happy and successful marriage for ten years. For this reason, I feel my wife play a role in raising our son in becoming a gentleman. As far as becoming a man in the aspect of protecting, providing and how he is to move about in the streets or among his buddies; I got this.

By the time the two cousins were twenty-five; Belinda’s son has a total of five kids with four baby mamas. He does not get along with any of his baby mamas or paid any child support. He feels it is the mother job to raise the kids; therefore, he declines going to school events, giving his kids birthday parties; taking them to the local park; to amusement parks or anything that involves him being alone with his kids. He hangs out in the streets with his homies when he is not working his security job. Malinda’s son has been married for two years. Him and his wife gave birth to twins; a boy and girl. Malinda’s son and daughter-in-law both work for major corporations. They have a loving, close family unit.

As Belinda reflects back on how similar her and her twin sister lifestyles were; she couldn’t help but realized the difference in how they raise their sons set the tone for their son’s future. Belinda makes it a point, in discussions with her women’s empowering group, to ask all current and future mama’s; what tone are they setting for their kids? The power is in your hands and yours alone. Your kids are depending on you to pave the way that is in their best interest, and that she had to learn the hard way that a mother influence, as well as the father’s, is a powerful part of the child development in preparation for life. She tells them all; I honor you. I salute you. Be Blessed in your journey in setting the tone for your children as their parents.

https://bookofrelationship.com
Accountability is a great start to healing.

August 12, 2026

When the actions of a person separate them from their family, total healing comes when that person takes accountability for their actions.

Let’s talk about it…

Bobby has always been an unsettled kid growing up. At a young age he was abandon by his birth mother because she allowed her demons to take president over her being a parent. Her actions caused her to be absence from her son’s life; especially in his informative years when a child needs their birth mother the most. Prior to being joined with a blood relative, Bobby had experienced the abuse of being in the home of strangers who only sees him as a pay check. They physically abused him; spent no money on him and allowed him to go hungry as a form of punishment. By the time Bobby’s aunt was legally able to rescue him from the home of his abuser; he was broken and did not trust anyone. Bobby’s aunt having a son the same age as him made it difficult for him to adjust. This is because Bobby believed his aunt would always treat her birth son better than him. It was a challenging time for Bobby’s aunt to take in a child who was emotionally and psychologically trouble due to his experience; however, she vowed before God to love Bobby in the same manner as her birth son. Also, she vowed to raise Bobby with the same Godly principles; and to discipline him with love. The aunt knew it was important to not use the abuse Bobby received as a crutch by allowing him to think rules doesn’t apply to him. Also, the aunt had to show him the same fundamental core values as was shown to her son. The aunt strongly believed in communication and would often express to Bobby why she did or did not do something his way. For example:

At the start of school, Christmas and Easter both boys would get new clothes at the same time. Both were able to pick out their outfits and received equal in pieces as well as new shoes. However, Bobby was harder on shoes than his cousin. Because of this, Bobby would get a new pair of shoes more often or sooner than his cousin. Bobby would feel special because he was the only one receiving new shoes and felt it was because he had favorite over his cousin. Although the aunt would express to Bobby the reason, he is the only one receiving new shoes is because he needs them. However, when Bobby’s cousin needed new shoes, Bobby became anger for not getting a new pair at the same time as his cousin. Bobby verbally expressed that he feels his cousin was being shown favoritism. It did not matter that the aunt has explained to Bobby that her budget does not allow for both boys to receive new shoes when only one person is in need of shoes. Bobby’s aunt stuck to her parenting principles; she refused to allow the kids to dictate or set the ground rules for how she parented them.

Often times the aunt would allow the boys to pick out personal snacks as well as ice cream to last them a week until their next shopping day. The aunt used this as a form in teaching the boys how to budget their supplies. Bobby would sneak and eat all his snacks in two to three days; then he would become anger because his aunt would not buy him additional snacks to last him for the remaining days in the week. Once again, he felt his cousin was being shown favoritism. One day Bobby’s aunt could hear the boys having a discussion on love and favoritism. The boys came running to the aunt/mom asking her who do she love the most among them two. Without hesitation, the aunt immediately said “I love you both equal”. Bobby asked how can you love us both the same? The aunt replied because love is unmeasurable. God loves all his children the same. He might not bless us all at the same time or in the same way; however, he loves us all the same and he gave his only begotten son for the remission of sin to all who believe.

Because Bobby has always been a trouble child through-out elementary school, his aunt was constantly summons to his school to handle one outburst after another. Nevertheless, his aunt was not giving up on him. She put him in sports, purchased him pet animals of his choice, like a guinea pig that she ends up taking care of; nonetheless she wasn’t giving up. God did not give up on her and she refused to give up on Bobby. As Bobby grew into his teen years, he begins to gravitate to the street life by hanging out with boys in the neighborhood that was known for breaking into people houses. The security in their housing community caught him with the same boys as well as with cutters that the fire department uses to break through chained gates and locks. Because security knew Bobby’s aunt as a peaceful tenant, they decided to take him home to his aunt rather than hand him over with the other boys to the police. Security informed the aunt that Bobby will only receive this pass once. Security expressed to the aunt, if Bobby is caught being a threat to the community again; she would be asked to move or be evicted by the management company. Bobby was becoming more than his relative could handle as a single parent. She sent him to live with the strongest woman she knew; her mother. Bobby lived with his grandmother for a few months until he was accepted in Job Corp.

After completing two years in Job Corp, Bobby went to live with his uncle. Because of the environment, he joined with the wrong crowd and started using drugs. For years, Bobby would deny he was on drugs. He would come to his aunt house high on drugs. His aunt felt uncomfortable with his behavior when he was high, she would occasionally get him a motel room when other relatives would put him out for being high and irate. She would buy him food but did not feel comfortable giving him money. Bobby was in and out of jail. Also, in and out of half way houses, as well as, in and out of different drug rehab centers. After years of getting high, Bobby fought the good fight of faith. He got clean off drugs.

In his soberness, he got a job, an apartment, a new car and a new outlook on life. He is a pleasant person to talk with. His spirit is full of joy. His aunt understands he was a product of his pain; she knew his pain was his reason for self-medicating with drugs. Now that he is sober, he is battling with playing the blame game. Bobby refuses to take accountability for his actions while on drugs. He refuses to understand why his family had to distance themselves while he was on drugs. Although Bobby believes aunt loves him, he insists on believing his aunt gave favor to her birth son over him. When asked why he believes she favor her birth son over him; Bobby’s replied it’s because when her birth son went to jail at the age of nineteen, she bailed him out but did not bail me out. Which is totally not true. Bobby’s cousin was living with his father when he went to jail for three months. The ex-husband and the son hid it from Bobby’s aunt that her son was in jail. The ex-husband did not tell the mother until the son was offer an early released from jail if he could afford to pay a small monthly fee to be monitor by wearing an angle monitor. Bobby’s mother agreed to pay the monthly fee for six months. This option was not offer to Bobby as far as his aunt knew.

The life lesson the aunt thought she was teaching Bobby end up being a life lesson for herself. She realized although Bobby was now grown and has been delivered from drugs, he was not reformed in the renewing of his mind. Bobby was wearing his pain like a tight glove. It had become his badge of honor. It is what connected him to his birth mother. The aunt had to accept the fact that Bobby blaming her, the one person who rescued him from the hands of his abuser and loved him like he is her birth child, as well as, reunited him back with his relatives could not replace the absence and pain of being separated from his birth mother. Nevertheless, the aunt vowed continue to love him and pray for him. He will forever be her son; it doesn’t matter if she did not give birth to him.

https://bookofrelationship.com
Unannounced Pop Ups. WT*!

August 5, 2026

Why do people who never let you know where they live or invite you to their home are always popping up at your house unannounced.

Let’s talk about it…

Hurry up boys, you are going to be late for practice; shouts Glenda as she gathers the snacks for her sons’ football team. Glenda’s two sons, ages 13 and 15, have been playing football at their local park little league since the ages of five. This year, Glenda was nominated as team mom. She is responsible for bringing refreshments and helping with administration duties. Glenda’s plate was full prior to taking on the responsibilities as team mom. She couldn’t back out of being chosen as team mom because she was the only mom who hadn’t volunteer in the past. Glenda is happy football season is over. She was so tire of her phone ringing none stop because moms never read the written material given to them; yet would call her to ask the same questions. Which days this week is practice? What time does practice start? Do they have any games schedule this month? If so, when; where and what time? Football season is over and Glenda is jumping with joy. She is happy to have her normal busy life back.

As Glenda was leaving work, she realized she had forgotten to take meat out the freezer for dinner. Oh well, thought Glenda; it’s Friday, I just got paid, I will stop for fast food and a bottle of wine to celebrate the end of football season. When Glenda arrives home, her sons were in their room playing video games. She shouts upstairs to let them know she was home and had picked up dinner. She asked them to wash their hands and set the table while she puts on some comfortable clothes. Just as Glenda and her sons set down to eat, the doorbell rings. She asked her oldest son to answer the door. She thought it was probably one of her son’s friends. To her surprise, it was one of the mothers from her sons’ football team. “Hi JoAnn, is everything okay, asked Glenda.” “Call me Jo; everyone calls me Jo replied JoAnn. Yes, everything is okay. Curtis went to his dad’s house for the weekend, so I thought I would come over to visit.” Oh, okay states Glenda with a confused look on her face. “You also have a daughter, right Jo.” “Yeah, she went on a date with her boyfriend.” “I see, replied Glenda. Well, my sons and I were preparing the table for dinner.” “Don’t let me stop you, I can sit in your living room until you all are finish.” “I tell you what, why don’t you join us for dinner.” “Sure,” shouts Jo, as she takes a seat at the table. Glenda asks her youngest son to escort Jo to the kitchen sink so she can wash her hands. When they returned, Glenda asked Jo if she eats fried chicken, mash potatoes with gravy and steamed broccoli. “Oh yeah, I am a country girl. I love fried food.” After dinner, Jo sat and drank wine with Glenda. The two discussed their kids football season. They sat and talked for three hours after dinner. Glenda was tire from the long work week. Is this lady not going to go home thought Glenda. I don’t want to be rude by telling her to go home. What the heck to I do. Finally, it came to Glenda what to say. “Jo, I am feeling really tire from my long week; so, I am going to go take a bath before going to bed.” “I guess it is getting late; I better go, replied Jo.” After escorting Jo to the door; Glenda thought to herself, what the heck was that all about? I did not know any of the moms knew my address.

The next day, at exactly 6:00pm, the doorbell rings at Glenda’s home. Glenda was upstairs in her room when she hears her youngest son shouts up the stairs; “mom, Ms. Jo is here.” You got to be kidding me; thought Glenda. “I will be right there, shouts Glenda.” “Hi Jo, did you forget something from last night?” “No. I had such a good time visiting with you, I thought to myself, why not hang out with Glenda again tonight.” “Oh, wow! How thoughtful of you, states Glenda. Well, I was just about to put some burgers, corn-on-cob, and asparagus on the grill for dinner.” “I’m just in time to help, replied Jo.” As Glenda was setting the dinner table, she asked Jo where did she live. “Only a mile from you, replied Jo.” “Where is a mile away? I am asking your exact location.” Jo gave only her cross streets, not her address. Wow! Thought Glenda; is she homeless, or ashamed of where she lives. I don’t understand why she doesn’t want anyone to know exactly where she lives. Glenda decided she would inquire about Jo’s home life after dinner. As the two ladies sat in the backyard sipping on wine after dinner; Glenda asked Jo was she married or have a sufficient other. “I’m not marry, my boyfriend moved in with me and my kids approximately three years ago.” “Does, your boyfriend work nights; asked Glenda.” “No, replied Jo.” “What does he do for a living asked Glenda.” “He works in the automotive industry replied Jo.” “What do you do for a living asked Glenda.” “I work for a hotel.” I don’t understand all the vague replies to my questions. What is this woman hiding and why does she want to hang out at my house; thought Glenda. Once again, Glenda had to tell Jo that she was tire in order to get her to go home.

The next day was Sunday, Glenda and her sons spent the evening at her parents’ house. Upon arriving home at 8:00pm, she could see on her security camera system that Jo had rang her doorbell at exactly 6:00pm for approximately 15 minutes before leaving. What is this lady problem; thought Glenda. I need to get to the bottom of this. The next morning as Glenda was dropping her sons off at school before heading to work; she tells her boys, from this day forward I need you both to check the security camera before answering the door. If it is Ms. Jo, do not open the door or shout through the door that you have to go get your mother. I need you both to simply ignore the door and I will handle Ms. Jo in private at a time that is convenience for me. Okay, replied Glenda’s son. “What is going on?” Asked Glenda’s oldest son. “I don’t know, but I plan on finding out. Ms. Jo, has been coming to our house every night since Friday at exactly 6:00pm. She doesn’t tell me exactly where she lives. I’m sensing something has to be wrong with her living situation and she is using my house as an escape from her reality. I have to think about you two safety and her actions is causing me to be alarm.” “Mom, I know where Ms. Jo lives;” states Glenda oldest son. “You do!” “Yes, her son Curtis text me the address after inviting me over to play a video game with him. Shortly after texting me his address, he called me to say he couldn’t have any company and he would see me at football practice.” “Forward his address to my phone son.” “Okay mom.” Glenda decided she would wait until Saturday before making an unannounced visit to Jo’s home. Every day prior to Saturday, Jo would come to Glenda’s house at 6:00pm and ring the doorbell for approximately 15 minutes. Sometimes she would go sit in her car for ten minutes then come back and ring the bell again. On Saturday, Glenda got up early to get the day started. After preparing breakfast and doing some light house cleaning and washing clothes; she ran a few errands. Around 3:00pm she drives the 1 mile to Jo’s house. To Glenda’s surprise, Jo has a big beautiful home. Glenda goes to the front door and rings the bell twice after checking out her surroundings. She had bought maze with her; not knowing what she was walking into. Jo’s son Curtis answers the door. “Hello, Ms. Glenda, let me get my mom for you.” Glenda steps inside the door before Curtis could say come in or wait here. Their home was neat and clean. Curtis ran up their stairs to get his mom. He didn’t do what Glenda’s sons do, which is holla up the stairs to let her know when someone was at the door. Jo, came storming down the stairs looking like a she was possessed with the seed of chucky. She did not greet Glenda with hello, a smile, or say welcome to my home. She proceeded to yell at her in a very harsh arrogant tone. “What the hell are you doing at my house unannounced? Are you dense or what? Don’t you know this is the 21^st century; people don’t show up at other people home unannounced; especially if they haven’t been invited. Maybe you need to take a course in proper etiquettes. So, get the hell out of my house and do not come back unless you have been invited.” Glenda was speechless, she did not say a word as she left Jo’s home. That same evening at exactly 6:00pm Jo’s rings the doorbell at Glenda’s home. Glenda went to get her maze before answering her door. After opening the door, she asked Jo, what the hell are you doing at my home after the way you talked to me about coming to your house unannounced. “My bad, shouts Jo. I don’t like people coming to my house unannounced.” Then she proceeds to push pass Glenda to come into her house. Glenda shoulder bumped Jo pushing her back from entering her home. “Hell to the No, shouts Glenda. You have the wrong one sister. You do not get to come to my house and receive what you do not give at your home. I suggest if you don’t want a problem with me; get the hell off my property. People like you, have no place in my life and especially not in my home. Do not ever come to my home again shouts Glenda as she slams the door in Jo’s face.” That was the end of the beginning of their friendship.

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